I Still Need You (A BMTH, BFMV, etc. fanfic)

It Never Ends

I texted Jax back with a hesitant yes. That seemed like a good starting point.

He replied almost instantly.

Jax: how was today?

I bit my lip. I had options here. I could lie, or it was time to spill my guts. Now or never.

Jax decided to help my decision along moments later.

Jax: Everything okay?

He knew. He knew something was off, at the very least. I took a deep breath and replied.

Me: Jax, I made a mistake.

Jax: Hazel...what happened? Is it another guy?

I sucked in a breath, quickly typing to reassure him otherwise. The phrasing of that sentence sure seemed to imply it, but that wasn't what I meant at all.

Faster than I could type, my phone began to ring.

I quickly picked up.

"Jax, I-"

Jax's face filled the screen of the facetime call. "Hazel, please, please, please tell me it's not another guy. Please just give me that peace of mind so I can sleep tonight." His eyes were so desperate, I was surprised he wasn't choking on his own emotions.

"Jax," I said, make sure my tone was nothing but dead serious, "I haven't even glanced another guy's way. I love you way too much for that. You know that, don't you?"

He was quiet for a moment, and sounded embarrassed as he mumbled, "Of course. I'm sorry. Can you tell me what's wrong, then?"

I hesitated, "Jax...it's just...I just..."

He waited.

I took the deepest breath I could, rolled up my sleeve, and flashed my ruined wrist at the screen.

"And..." I said, "Dad found out. I'm sorry, Jax." I looked away, feeling my eyes well up again. This was so much harder than it had any right to be.

He was very quiet for what felt like an eternity.

And the first word he finally breathed was a simple, "Why?" His voice got louder, "Hazel, you promised. You swore you wouldn't do this anymore! And you promised me you would tell your dad about it while we were still on the tour! Why did he just find out now?" His tone got angrier and louder the more he spoke, and my hand shook as I tried to keep the phone steady.

"Jax, I - you have to understand how scary this is for me," I tried, "Dad yelled. He grabbed me. He's never done that before."

"Yeah, well, I don't blame him for being angry, Hazel. We can't help you if you won't tell us anything." Jax looked so hurt, and guilt washed over me, so much it was smothering.

"I was going to!" I insisted, "It was just never the right time, and-"

"I'm sorry, I just...I have to go, Hazel. See you."

With that, he hung up.

Tears leaked down my cheeks. I grabbed the closest pillow and screamed into it, dropping my phone to the ground as sobs raked my body.

Needless to say, I cried myself to sleep that night.

~

Jax called me back the next day, and we talked for hours, sorting out about a million emotions. He apologized, and so did I, for breaking my promises, not to mention his trust.

But we were healing. And that was all that really mattered.

It felt good to have some kind of stability in my life again.

Uneventful weeks passed, and autumn turned to winter. I managed to hide out from my school bullies for the most part, but there was the inevitable days where they managed to torment me.

You'd think I'd've learned by now that the whole 'don't tell anyone' thing is a load of bullshit. But still, I saw the experiences as something I could handle just fine on my own.

Besides, they almost always chose after school to pick on me, so there wasn't really anything the school could do about it.

Dad and the band were doing amazing, dropping a new single and already starting with new ideas for future songs.

The the one thing that kept lingering was Andy.

He still continued to text me constantly, and I was doing my best to be patient with him, but despite my numerous, albeit not direct, attempts, he either wasn't getting the message or was ignoring it. But I didn't dare block him.

How the fuck do you justify blocking Andy Leo Rockhold?

So I just dealt with it as best as I could.

Despite that, life was borderline...good. It was a strange sensation, but a nice one to finally have.

I shouldn't have jinxed it while I was still ahead.

The more time pressed on, things were becoming...tense between Dad and Uncle Jordan. Every time I entered the music room while they were both in there, the air was different. Less laughing and rocking out, and more arguments on certain sounds or chords or lyrics.

To be honest, it was starting to scare me.

Christmas Break eventually rolled around, and I was freed from thinking about school for two weeks.

Though it could hardly be called relaxing when the moment I walked in after my last day of school for a while, I heard Dad and Uncle Jordan yelling at each other.

"You aren't fucking listening to me, Fish!"

"Grow up, Oli! For fuck's sake!"

"Shut the fuck up! You don't know what you're talking about!"

I squeezed my eyes shut. I hated this. It kept going almost every day, and I tried to tune it out. Every kind of relationship, including friendships and bandmates, hit a rough patch every once in a while. They'd figure it out eventually.

Didn't make it any easier to hear, though.

"Shh. I think she's home." Dad said suddenly, and I squeezed the backpack strap on my shoulder in a white-knuckled grip.

"I should head out anyway." Uncle Jordan responded, and the two exited the music room a few moments later.

"Hey, Haze." Uncle Jordan wrapped an arm around my shoulders, squeezing me in a sidehug and ruffling my hair.

"Hi, Uncle Jordan. Are you leaving?"

"'Fraid so. But you're on break now, right?"

I nodded.

"So I'll see you all the time," he grinned.

I risked a glance at Dad. He was glaring daggers at Uncle Jordan, who let me go moments later and ducked out of the door, seemingly oblivious to Dad's sudden aggressiveness.

I reeled on Dad as soon as the door closed.

Because he had some serious explaining to do.

A/N: Chapter 20!! And #2 in BMTH!!! (at some point lol, could already be gone) Thank you so much! 🥳🥳