Sinking Deep (GL)

CHAPTER 12

"Stop hoping because I have someone!"

"Don't hope for nothing, Ms. Mercedez."

Her words kept echoing in my mind, and the impact was profound.

I couldn't bring myself to eat when I returned home, umiyak ako nang umiyak hanggang sa gumabi.

The pain from her words and the sting of her slap weighed heavily on my heart. It was as if her words had pierced through my very being, leaving me with the painful realization that there was nothing hidden in her gazes after all.

Umasa lang talaga ako sa wala.

I'm drinking at the bar, staring at the bartender as I do so.

I need to be alone right now to find comfort, to temporarily escape the pain that is engulfing me. I long for the pain from her harsh words to go away as well as the phrases that cut me to the core.

Pumunta ako dito sa bar right after I cried, gusto ko munang malimutan ang nangyari kanina. Medyo marami-rami na rin ang nainom ko at nahihilo na ako.

Nakakabingi ang sound system sa loob pero hindi ko nalang pinansin.

"Stop hoping because I have someone!"

"Don't hope for nothing, Ms. Mercedez."

Pabalik-balik kong naaalala ang mga katangang binitawan niya kanina.

"Someone? that's fucking nice Montejo!" I shouted as I drank the liquor from the glass.

Laughing and smirking as I continue to drink, I lost my mind because of the alcohol.

"Frey?" boses ng isang babae, nakatayo na ito sa gilid ko.

Tumingin ako dito at nakita ko ang hulma ng katawan ni Thalia.

"Thaliaaa! babee!" sigaw ko saka niyakap siya.

Wala ako sa katinuan ko at hindi na ako nag-iisip basta gusto kong makalimutan ang lahat at mag enjoy nalang.

"What happened to youu?" she asked, worrying.

"What do you mean what happened to me, I'm right here in front of you! can't you see? I'm enjoying the night," I said, laughing. Hindi ko pa rin siya binibitawan at hindi niya rin naman ako tinulak instead she holds my shoulder to support me from falling.

"This is, let's go, stop that" she replied. Kinuyog niya ako pero hindi ako nagpadala.

I resisted her, "No, stop, pabayaan mo ako dito." I respond, wreck in alcohol.

"You're drunk Frey! tama na!" sigaw niya.

Looking at her concerned face, it dawned on me that I had sought solace in alcohol to cope with the pain I was feeling. Being drunk was my attempt to escape the overwhelming emotions that had engulfed me.

My tears flows down in my cheek, I couldn't help but to cry in front of her.

"Please, huwag mo ako tingnan ng ganyan." I said, crying. "Don't look at me like she's you."

She hugs me, a warmth hug that is what I need.
"That's enough, let's go." She said gently and pulled me from the counter, pinasok niya ako sa isang pintuan ng bar.

Lasing man ay alam kong umakyat kami pagkatapos pumasok sa pintuan, she's holding me gently. Nakarating kami sa isang kwarto, malaki, malinis and it smells so good. Nakakaantok.

"Stay here, I'll get you water," sabi niya matapos niya akong paupuin sa bed ng room.

Nahihilo akong tumango sa kanya pagkakuway umalis na siya, humiga ako sa kama. The texture of the bed is soothing, nakadama ako ng antok habang nakaharap sa kisame.