Our fallen souls [EN] (High Enough) : VOLUME 1

43 - Blake

"Blake, please listen to me."

I shake my head, I don't want to hear his bullshit. "Hear what? Hear your bullshit excuses? I thought you were different."

"You're banging another girl, I remind you. I saw the picture and I thought you were different too, Blake!"

I smile falsely. "Oh yeah, sure. I canceled a fucking flight for you, but I'm having fun screwing other chicks."

She seems shocked by my words.

"I went out of my way for a kid who's banging her best mate," I spit out, opening my car door.

"I'm not banging my best friend, damn it! I pushed him away!"

She tries to hold me back.

"You understand nothing, Joséphine. Absolutely nothing. This is the first time I've done this for a fucking chick. That I've canceled a flight, that I've driven so long, that I've forced myself to go to a bourgeois party. The first time I felt all this shit, I decided to tell you, because fuck, I realized I loved you."

She recoils, as if my fucking words have pierced a part of her.

"I don't know where I stand with you, Blake! You don't want to take risks with me, you want to protect me from your so-called world, and then you kiss me and leave, and I see you with a chick! You kiss me in front of everyone and act like it's all a game!"

I look at her, feeling all this accumulated pressure being released, as if I couldn't hold back my damn feelings any longer.

"And you left, damn it, you left after the night we had."

"I didn't know what to do, I didn't know if we were together, it's not like you," she retorts hesitantly.

"I'm so fucking in love with you, Joséphine! I love you to death! I can't stop thinking about that night! How can you pretend it doesn't mean anything? How do you think I was going to react when I woke up in my fucking bed, all alone?"

I approach her, clearly seeing the distress in her eyes at my words, as if what I'd just said was simply impossible. But I'm on fire, the words pouring out of my mouth, and I can't hold them back.

"It's just that since you arrived, I haven't been the same, and I fucking hate it. I still hate it, but damn it, I can't fight this. It's a goddamn trap. I've tried to forget you, but it's impossible. You know very well I'm not good with all this. I fought until I realized that everything brings me back to you."

I take a deep breath, trying to calm down a little.

"I... I can't think of anything but you. I hated you for that, because you have a hold over me that destabilizes me. No one has ever done that before. You read me like a bloody open book. I haven't smoked or done drugs since you came along, you've silenced all the voices in my head."

I stare at her, catching a glimpse of her tear-filled eyes.

Fuck, I've said it all, everything I've been holding inside for too long.

I know she's upset, but I also know she suspected it. I'm no good at damn speeches and declarations of love, but damn, it feels good to say it all. Her eyes are riveted on me, while the emotions race across her face.

"Blake... if you only knew how long I've been waiting for everything you've just told me," she whispers in a barely audible voice.

My heart beats wildly, as if it wants to escape from my chest. These words hit my mind like a tornado, shaking all my certainties. My heartbeat echoes in my ears, drowning out every other sound around me. The seconds seem to stretch into an eternity, and I can hardly believe what I'm hearing. His confession touches me to the core, embracing me with an emotion I've never felt before.

"I'm... I'm crazy about you, but that's not why I'm blowing hot and cold on you," she says.

She then walks away, leaving me alone outside to face my own damn feelings. I leave my eyes on her silhouette as she enters the castle. My pride tells me to go away, to leave her, to go back to my fucking life, but my brain brings me back to reality. There's no way back, I know I'd suffer more than anything else. But even though I know I'm going to shit, I can't stay away from her.

I stay outside, pacing back and forth, wondering whether I should go and catch her or not. My mind is fucking conflicted, but suddenly, without thinking, I know what I have to do. I've got to go and see her, go and apologize, never let her go again.

I fucking love her so much it hurts.

I run to the entrance, through the stares that converge on me. Cassie looks at me apologetically, Clyde gives me an indecipherable look. I grab a bottle and take a few sips before silently climbing the stairs. The light from below helps me find my way around, even though I know this damn castle by heart. The higher I go, the darker it gets. I slip into the shadows, trying to catch a glimpse of her. I see her, a silhouette groping the walls for light. I stop myself from laughing. I can see the curves of her body changing every time she moves her hands, like a work of art in perpetual motion. I've got to have her, I've got to make it up to her. I fucking want her, I'm sure of it. I approach silently behind her, my footsteps muffled on the floor. She doesn't suspect a thing. With a gentle but determined gesture, I place a hand over her mouth to silence her, then gently press her against the wall.

That's all I needed to hear. Words are superfluous now. Before I can even react, she takes hold of my lips with an all-consuming desire, as if she's been waiting for this moment, this connection, for me to come back. Her kiss is so passionate, burning with an intensity that overwhelms me. I can't help thinking she's releasing everything she's buried inside.

Time seems to stand still. Our lips intertwine, embracing as if we've always known each other. Her hands slide up my back, drawing me even closer. My fingers lose themselves in her hair, gently caressing the silky strands. Then I find a door and ajar it, letting us into the room without ever breaking our passionate embrace. My whole body tingles with excitement. Finding her lips again, bringing us together like this, is all I've wanted since she left that famous morning.

We stop, panting, to catch our breath, and it's then that I ask her, in a weak voice:

"Promise me that no matter what you find out about me, you'll never leave..."

She immediately regains possession of my lips with determination.

"I promise," she lets out, affirming her determination.

I set her down slowly, her breath still coming in gasps. My fingers delicately brush her back, until they reach the knot holding her dress.

Her dress and the butterflies it provoked when I saw her in it.

With deliberate slowness, I untie the knot, wishing this moment would last forever.

Fuck, I never thought my first fucking love would be this intense.

"You look beautiful in that dress, but you're so good without it," I whisper, letting my fingers slip in to untie the knot.

Her breath quickens, and the dress slips gently, finally falling to the floor. I turn her around, her back pressed against me. Slowly, I feel the effect I'm having on her, so I slide my fingers down her body, skimming every inch, then gently caressing the insides of her legs.

"Damn it, Blake," she moans.

The sound of my name coming from her lips makes me harden more than I could have imagined. After a few moments, as if the excitement was too much for her, she turns and faces me. I bring her gently back to me, our lips eagerly searching for each other. I push her down onto the bed and come to rest on top of her, then, in a movement imbued with desire, I penetrate her, both gently and passionately. I concentrate on her reactions, scrutinizing her face to make sure she's not in pain.

A moan of ecstasy escapes her lips

Holy shit, I missed her.