A C C I S M U S| 18+ (haitus)

ACCISMUS~ CHAPTER THIRTY- ALL EYES ON ME

CHAPTER THIRTY| ALL EYES ON ME

Anxiety.

Woe.

Trepidation.

He sat in the front row, with other close family. Siblings were shoulder-to-shoulder, the proximity officered comfort without them knowing, or maybe it just intentional. Alice's coffin was in front of the gatherers, the floral arrangements colourful and no doubt vibrant, something he knew his mom would've love. Well, she picked it.

So messed up that she did all that. Dwhyte came to terms and was at a near acceptance that made it less disheartening. Though he was still sentimental. Angela squeeze his shoulder from the second row, she was seated just behind him.

And as Jacobi spoke, it was just the realization as to why his mom went out of her way to do all that. She wanted him to be happy, she said- countlessly. He looked at the program, they were just at the beginning and he felt like it was already the end. Alice wasn't the cynical type, he saw her as non-delusional: a woman of logic and knowledge. The sermon erupted in claps, Jacobi hurriedly went for his seat as it was obvious that he tried to keep the tears in.

For Dwhyte, it had become natural. Almost normal as he had being doing it for a long while, but he never knew that they'd fall victim to the situation.

"Thank you guys. So much." They slid even closer to him, it was his time. He took a breath, their support very much present. Alice was right, he wasn't alone.

He grabbed the bible in case his subconscious made him read a verse, he mentally thought of the most appropriate song

"Greetings everyone." He looked into the crowd, half the faces were familiar. "The bible states that: the lord will comfort us in our times of troubles." He bit the inside of his cheek, he had already forgotten what he was about to say. It was a test for himself but he had failed. He was glad to have written something down, he pulled it out. He knew the emotions would fog his memory.

"Alice Ivory Mcpherson- Darin, my mother is-" he paused. "Was. Is?" He wiped his eyes, he was never getting used to that. "A very vocal and noble person. A humanitarian, as her teachings, scoldings and affection had sculpted me in being the man I am today." He looked up from the crinkled paper and spoke on his own. The words had come back. "I'm a complete cry baby and I know, I've gotten from her but she would never admit it. I remember her chasing me through the house with a heavy sack of oranges I've picked from the backyard tree without permission."

Dwhyte laughed, so did everyone.

"Turned out she wanted to teach me as me gathering them was a sign to pass the marmalade recipe on. And no, I will not tell any of y'all." He pointed at everyone. They laughed again. He got serious. "It's just an honor to have her as a parent, she thought me respect, and just the simple blessings that didn't come easy. My life had been a success with her being my main influence. I love her so much."

Dwhyte pulled out his phone as he got to the sentimental part.

"I've gotten the lyrics of her favorite song. She always liked my singing." He scrunched his face, everyone belly laughed. And Angela sat there and watch as he lifted the moment. The laughs were so needed. He's charismatic just like his father, he was even funny. She wished Alice could see this.

He got to the first verse, soft and harmonious. Everyone seemed shocked, voice captivating and manly. His baritone, the timbre, it was enchanting how he adjusted from alto to soprano, and the different voice ranges made some folk in the back shouted.

"HALLELUJAH!"

The pianist knew the assignment.

"I heard there was street was made of gold

and when you get there, there a hand to hold

and I believe when your day down here are through

There a place, for better, for people like you"

People resumed to shouting, some stood on their feet offering words of praise, grief and the unknown. He recognized the cheer as some knew the song.

The raise of phones, people were recording. His anxiety kicked in but continued as he couldn't risk messing up everything.

"If you walk around with your heart on your sleeve

And if you try to be the change, you wanna see

If you lay down your life, for someone could be saved

There's a place, for people like you"

He finally got the chance to glance at her. First time that day, she wore a, light pink dress, her head wrap on, tied so professionally, the pearl necklace was the compliment accessory. She really meant it when she said she was at peace as her face held a pleasant smile, it almost messed him up. He sang until he had covered all the verses, everyone loved the song. Angela blew him a kiss, it was right then and there he knew that she was there for him, even though their relationship wasn't perfect throughout the years. He nodded in acceptance, and smiled, the crowd clapped joyously.

Little did they knew that he was a new person. His mother dying was another reason to be even more mature. It was a way now for him to try and get along in the world, and be the person he is, not excluding the ethics, morals and values that was passed down for her. She was there in spirit and Dwhyte was curious to know how he will behave now, what attitudes he's adapt knowing she could no longer held him accountable, or even praise in the physical. His first step was a change in lifestyle, self-destruction wasn't it, and worst case toxic.

As he looked into the crowd, another reminder- eyes were still watching.