Loverboy ~ Nathan Sykes Fanfic.

loverboy chapter 20. || "it wasn't a mistake, it was a choice."

- what the heck were you doing Ashley? - Nathan screamed at me after he shut the door of my room. 

- I ask you the same thing Nathan! - I replied, as mad as he was at me. 

- What do you mean? - 

- I saw you.... I saw you kissing Mary... - I stopped as he shaped his mouth into a perfect 'o'. - And don't even try to say that she kissed you... because I was there before and you both leaned in.. - I said, holding back the tears. 

- Ashley... I can explain.. Please listen to me... - he said in a soft voice, but I already turned around, and even though he was holding my wrist, I didn't turn back. 

- You don't have to explain anything... I saw you guys... - I sighed. - I just... I don't want to talk about this. -  I said and made my way to the stairs of the floor, because I didn't want to take the elevators in case somebody was there. I wanted to cry and not be ashamed of it. 

I made it to the pool, and sat in one of the reclining chairs and let it all out. Why did I trust him? Why was I such an stupid person? I should have never believed him. Believed that he changed and wanted something serious with me. And Mary, oh. I don't even know if she is my friend. She told me that she'd support me no matter what, even if it was Nathan Sykes I was with, the love of her life. She told me she'd stand up for us even though her jealousy and envy would kill her. I don't even know if I have real friends anymore. Nathan and Mary, both betrayed me. Jay, well, Jay and I kissed, and even though he should've stopped me, he didn't. I don't blame him, but, c'mon, I'm your best friend's girlfriend. Max, Tom and Siva; Kelsey and Nareesha. I still don't know them that well. I don't even trust myself anymore. 

The night was dark and cold, just as my emotions that day. I didn't care about anyone or anything. Nathan kissed Mary, I kissed Jay. I didn't want to feel anything, anymore. I hated myself for doing that. I hated myself for trusting in him again. I was such a fool. A lame try of a human being. 

It made me remember about everything Nathan and I went through before this, not in New York, but in secondary school. He used to push me to my limits just to see me break, and I never knew the reason for it. He made me punish myself for things he made me believe about me. Fat, ugly, nerd. All the memories where now flooding my mind and I just wanted to stop. I told myself to, but it was more difficult than I thought. 

- you should talk to both. - a voice said at my side. 

I opened my eyes with a start and through my blurred vision I could notice a silhouetted. Max. 

- you didn't come to kiss me and make me feel more like crap, right? - I asked him, my voice breaking. 

He laughed, making my body loosen a little bit from its stiffness. - Ashley, I have a girlfriend, remember? - he said in a ironic voice tone. 

- yeah, I thought Nathan had one too. - I said and bit my lips. Saying his name sicken me out. 

- I'm sure he has a good explanation for it, and a good cause for doing that to you. - he assured me. 

- for breaking my heart and playing me like a stupid? Sure, right. There's a good cause for it. Plus, Jay told me he always does that, so what's the deal? - I asked him, now staring at his face. 

- No. But he'd never do that to you. I was shocked when I found out what he did. You were the last person I though he'd do that to. I've known Nathan for a while now, and sadly, yes, he has the wrong habbit of not knowing what he wants, so he always dish them. But you, Ashley, I've noticed him, and he's acting different with you. I believe that he's grown up the last, I don't know, three weeks for you. He's mature now. I know he wants something with you, and he is making his best for not screwing it up. You're different from the rest. - Max said and I half-smiled. I don't know why but my heart still believed that he changed, even though my mind wasn't that convinced right now. - see? Ashley, don't ever regret something that made you smile, and in this case, he still makes you smile. - he patted my back and left walking with his hands inside his pockets.