I... I simply don't wanna talk about what happened last night. It was a desperate moment.
It's now 6:30pm and I'm currently changing my clothes and taking a bath to go to the Empire State Building with Brad. Honestly I'm a little nervous because I really don't want to go. In first place, I don't even know why I said yes when he asked me. I just didn't want him to feel bad, because he's a good guy. But I shouldn't be doing this. And since the Mary thing yesterday... let's just say I'm not feeling very well.
I haven't told Nathan about it, I don't know how's he's going to react. I mean, probably he is going to feel bad for me and the last thing I want to is to make the others worry about me. I don't like it. I'm not worth thinking of. They're wasting their time.
The weather in the last couple if weeks has been bipolar. We're in the middle of summer but sometimes it rains and maybe the next day it's so hot that your skin actually starts smoking. Tonight feels a little cold, so I chose black skinny leather jeans and a big sewed white sweater with my favorite pair of shoes. Also, I grabbed my favorite scarf and cover my neck with it. I let my hair hang loosely on my shoulders, grabbed my purse and went outside.
As I was standing in the subway, I started to remember the time Nathan and I went to Central Park together, how he let me held his hand, and then how we felt like nothing could go wrong when we were in the torch of the Statue of Liberty and how.... Stop it, I mentally tell myself, you're supposed to be getting over him. I nod to myself and pressed the play button on my iPod. The song that came out was "Every teardrop is a waterfall" by one of my favorite bands Coldplay. The song is pretty moved so I let all my worries and sadness consume themselves while the music blasts through my ears, making me feel a lot better when I came out of the subway.
Have you ever felt like you start listening to music and suddenly everything seems and feels better, and your life drastically becomes a movie or a music video? I love it when it happens. Same as when I shower, I just feel super selfish in those moments and I just feel... good. Like I have no feelings or anything. Secretly I wonder how God's life is like. I only have like what -3 problems that really bother me in my life? And let's say that in average every person has 2 problems, multiply that 7 billion times and BOOM! Those are all of God's problems. He constantly hears prayers and stuff, and He always -even if it's not in a direct way- answers those requests. I wonder how He does that. How He keeps himself totally ok and not goes crazy. I admire that about Him.
Sorry, I know, my thoughts are kind of messed-up sometimes.
I got down on the 33rd street subway station, which meant I had to walk about 2 or 3 blocks to get to the Empire State Building. As I walked through the neon-lighted streets of Manhattan and felt the cold breeze hitting my face I wondered if Nathan was able to end up talking with Jay. I slipped my phone out of my pocket and texted him.
To: Nathan.
"Hey Nath! Did you talk to Jay? Sorry if I'm being annoying, I just really wanted to know. Text me back when you can :)."
I typed in the words and sent the message. Then suddenly a wave of guiltiness spread through me. He was going to ask me about Mary. I felt my stomach twisting inside of me with anxiousness and I tried to swallow the knot that now forming in my throat, but it was impossible.
A flashback played rapidly and vividly on my mind: it was last year, and if my memory doesn't fail me, it was August. Mary and I were riding the rollercoaster of the Barnstable County Fair in Boston. That's actually funny because that fair is held every year in 1220 Nathan S. Ellis Hwy. I remember it because of the "Nathan S." part. Anyway, the point is that that made me feel double guilty. First, because all those laughs and smiles Mary did when she was with me were all fake, and second because it remembered me what I was doing and Nathan didn't even know about it. I pictured myself telling him: hey, I just went out with this dude called Brad, and his face instantly drewn in my mind. His eyebrows were all knit together and the look in his eyes was broken. I swallowed a sob and moved forward
YOU ARE READING
Loverboy ~ Nathan Sykes Fanfic.
FanfictionDo you know where your heart is? Do you think you can find it? Did you trade it for something, somewhere? Better just to have it Do you know where your love is? Do you think that you lost it? You felt it so strong but nothing's Turned out how you wa...
