I'll need a vacuum.

26

I immediately grabbed his hand, comforting us both. My heart was pounding as he opened his heart to me. His voice trembling a little, he continued, trying to remain indifferent, without succeeding completely.

"We were on a mission to eliminate a level 2 curse and, like yours, there was an error about the danger. We found ourselves in front of a rank 1, and we were not skilled enough to fight it. We tried to flee, but through my fault, Haibara died. He protected me, and it cost him his life. I was too weak back then.

His tone was monotonous as he stated the facts. I drew the parallel with my own experience, and I could only sympathize with so many similarities. I squeezed his hand, and asked him a question.

"How was he ? Haibara, I mean."

He looked at me a little bewildered, surprised that I was asking him for more information about a stranger who died a long time ago.

" He was... he was an optimistic guy. He always knew exactly what to say against my objections, and he made my daily life more bearable thanks to his cheerful attitude. I never told him, but he eased my fear, and I couldn't bear to see him sacrificed like this."

"Sacrificed ?"

"Yes, that's how the exorcism society treats us, like expendable pawns, without any recognition. After graduating, I went to work outside of this world, I couldn't take it anymore. I found no meaning in the death of my comrades, and the pain it caused me."

I gave him a weak smile.

" It doesn't encourage me to become an exorcist hearing you. I want to run away even more now."

" I know. I fled this society too, like Geto by the way. Except that I came back, my job in finance was just as meaningless. I find some meaning now, by helping innocent people. Don't think I'm a workaholic though, I don't work overtime ! But I do it, because I am one of the few individuals who can do this job."

He squeezed my hand back.

" I know how hard this life is, Molly, and I understand your worries better than you think. Everyone here understands your suffering, because unfortunately it is inherent in our daily lives. Gojo himself lost his friend, and he's changed since then. He's not as invincible as you might think, and he's had a lot of pressure on his shoulders since birth. I wouldn't repeat it a second time, but he's a good guy, and I trust him."

He let go of my hand, and pulled away, recreating a more conventional distance between us.

" I find you strong, you know. You are resilient, able to overcome everything that worries you to become better. It'll take some time, but you're not some teenage girl sent in with no life-and-death experience like I was. If you've survived this far, that's already a good sign."

I waved my hand to sweep away his arguments.

"I don't feel like an adult at all though.. I'm terrified of all these unknown things, and I feel so incompetent, so worthless.. I can't believe I'm still alive despite everything that's been bothering me happened, I was incredibly lucky !? It wasn't my abilities that saved me, just my lucky star. And you, among others."

He replied with a very serious tone.

"For me, being an adult means learning to manage the thousand little worries of everyday life, and knowing how to take responsibility, nothing else. It's not rubbing shoulders with death that makes you grow, but managing your life with its mistakes. You seem to have done very well for the moment, you had a job, your apartment, and even if everything is turned upside down now, you have to cling to this vision for your future. It's always possible, Molly ! It will be a bit different, but accessible."