I'll need a vacuum.

Chapitre 68

Alone with my father, I enjoyed the return of calm, barely disturbed by the angry squeals of my mother in the next room who was cursing the printer. It didn't work, as always when you need it and the printer systematically refuse to do what is asked of them when it is essential and urgent. I was amused to see her behave so naturally, normally she wouldn't have shown this side of her personality because she always remained professional in front of strangers, but it seemed that she had adopted Nanami as a new member of our family without complaint. In any case, she wasn't pretending with him, and wasn't playing the perfect woman, but getting angry and reacting as usual at home. I was relieved to see that my parents liked him, even if an hour wasn't enough time to judge a person. My father broke the silence, interrupting my thoughts.

"He's a nice person. What did you say his name was?"

"Nanami Kento. He's an exorcist. And my lover."

My father remained silent, letting his question marinate and I didn't rush him. He wanted to add something but didn't dare, and knowing him well, I gave him time to find the courage to ask me his fateful question. Question that arrived after a good 5 minutes.

"Are you happy ?"

Question that took me completely by surprise. I didn't know what to answer, so I settled for a simple one:

" Uuuh..."

He looked at me, and I stared at the little wrinkles in the corners of his eyes, unable to find an answer that would satisfy him.

"Don't think Mauricette. Be honest with me, please. I want to know how you feel now. So I repeat my question: are you happy right now?"

Oh oh oh. My father had clearly chosen to press where it hurt, and to force me to think about how I viewed my current life. The conclusion was painful:

"No. Not really."

He placed his hand on my shoulder.

"Darling... I'm sorry you had to go through that, you must have been terrified. I would have liked to be near you to reassure you and help you at that moment, I... I remember you warning us that something had happened but since you didn't say much, we weren't really alarmed."

The tears that I thought had evaporated came back to lodge in my eyes, and I found myself gasping in my father's arms. I cried over all my pain, the reality of my new life and the mourning of the old one. Thinking about it carefully, between sniffles, I realized that even before I wasn't really happy, I was just numbed by routine and monotony. However, the abrupt changes that had arisen in my daily life did not enchant me at all and I found myself much more unhappy than before. The only thing keeping me going was Nanami. Loving him was the beacon of my new existence, although betting my happiness solely on that was not healthy. If my relationship with him ever fizzled out, I didn't know how I was going to survive. I needed to find a better life balance rather than just putting up with all these decisions made without me. I was tired of hiding, of living in confinement and having to constantly be careful about my actions, although I knew perfectly well that this obligation was sensible given my past actions. Still, losing my freedom and having to deal with my guilt made me much more frustrated than I had ever been. And I didn't know how to get rid of these feelings, this anger that was parasitizing me, to the point of waking me up at night when it wasn't because of a nightmare where I was killed. I absolutely had to find a psychologist, my mental health was too fragile. Having the support of my parents and my lover was one thing, but working on myself and my traumas remained necessary.

" Molly, are you okay? You're so silent."

I wiped my tears, before smiling at him.

" Excuse me, I didn't expect it to disturb me so much. I'm having trouble knowing if I'm happy right now, I'm still trying to adjust to my new identity and the fact that I didn't choose it but had it imposed on me doesn't help. . You know, having powers, we all dreamed of it as children, but the reality is never that good."