A Luna's Flame

Chapter Fifty-Three

"Do you remember how we met? How your father found Nox and me? How did I look?" I asked as I let go of Alic's chin with a sigh.

His heightening anger faltered slightly, taken off guard by the sudden change in topic.

"I was drowning in a sea of anger and depression. The waves were so violent I thought I would never see the surface again. I had muted my wolf two weeks before. Her emotions were too overwhelming as I battled myself. Nox was my tether, the only thing keeping my lungs full," I said as I hugged myself tighter as Enyo whimpered.

"Tell me, how did I look Alic?" I asked again.

"You looked like you'd just come out of the craziest fight of your life. You guys were covered in blood, dirt, and soot. I've never seen either of you look so malnourished. You were the first person I ever saw battling against their primal self. Your eyes would flicker from dull hazel to piercing yellow every few minutes," he finally answered after a moment, his anger slow to recede.

"When a wolf goes through intense grief and trauma either due to a mate's death or the loss of an incredibly close loved one, you are pushed on the brink of madness as your human side loses its grasp on its humanity. A scale is tipped, and eventually, a choice is made."

"Why are you telling me this, Nyx? Why now?" Alic asked as he furrowed his brows in confusion as his chains rattled.

"I've never wanted to before. I had no reason. But as I looked into your eyes just now, I saw that your scale has been tipped. You just don't realize it," I simply stated.

"Tell me. Do you feel the pull? It's like an unsettling itch, a craving, to eradicate everything around you. To watch the world burn for what it's taken from you. A temptation to give into your raging beast? To fully let go so you don't have to feel your pain anymore? Do you feel it nagging you like a quiet whisper in the night that you can't find?" I asked, caressing the fabric of my dress as I reminisced.

He avoided my eyes, and I grabbed his chin, forcing his attention on me.

"What does that whisper say to you, Alic?" I urged as I looked at the ember glow just a bit brighter.

"To give in to it...to let it take over. The whisper promises to stop the pain with their blood," he whispered, anger still lingering in his tone.

"Now, think back to how my eyes shined with insanity every time I gave in. Do you remember one of the last things that happened before Pythia took us?" I asked, the old memory haunting me.

"You had almost taken the life of an elderly woman in the pack. The 80-year-old said you had overpowered her while she was gardening. You were spewing hateful things, brandishing a silver knife."

"Madness had corrupted my vision. I thought I was looking at the person responsible for taking my mother from me."

"Two months before your father found Nox and me, just like you, I watched as my mother was violently ripped away from me. My scale was tipped, and I chose to do anything I could to stop the pain. I relished in the agony of others for the sake of my own well-being. Before she was murdered, I would never entertain the thought of hurting someone unless it was self-defense. Even then, I would cry and pray to the Moon Goddess for forgiveness."

"Alic, you need to make your choice. The longer you let it linger, the further from humanity you will get until it slips from your fingers completely. You will become someone you don't even recognize anymore. Someone your father didn't raise," I said, emotions subtly peaking in my words.

"I can't stop seeing him, Nyx. I see them ripping his throat out over and over again. The pain I feel, I—it's suffocating me," Alic responded as tears shined in his eyes.

I caressed his face as a lone tear rolled down his cheek, wetting my thumb.

"You have to face your feelings, Alic. The ironic thing about rehabilitating others is that sometimes, a small part of you can never comprehend how someone could be so broken until it's your turn. And then, suddenly, you forget all of the coping skills you have taught others to help them overcome the same things you are facing. Forcing it down or praying for it to go away will never work, and you know that. The madness that tempts you will rip your soul apart until the shreds can no longer be sewn together."

"Lean on your teachings. Follow the training your father instilled in you. Life will knock down the strongest wolves, but you have to pick yourself up each time, no matter how bad it hurts. No matter how bruised you get, keep getting up. I promise, eventually, it gets easier, no matter how bleak it looks right now. The best Alphas are born from adversity because now you can truly relate to the wolves that follow you. Each one of them in those cells has lost something, sometimes everything. And still, they choose to get up every day and follow you. They are in those cells around you because they haven't given up on you, even when you gave up on yourself. You can now guide them from experience rather than someone else's words. Your pack bonds will become unbreakable, but first, you must choose. I won't judge you either way. I will support whatever decision you make. If you want to burn the world, I'll hold your torch. And if you choose to be an Alpha instead, like your ancestors before you, then I will help you get back everything owed to you. But first, you have to decide because that is the one thing I cannot do for you," I explained as I looked into his watery eyes, watching him weigh his options.

I looked as Alic soaked in the gravity of everything, the yellow embers never wavering. After a tense few minutes of silence, he tightly closed his eyes, furrowing his eyebrows. Sweat beaded on his forehead as his breathing became shallow. I stood unmoving as Alic battled with himself, his fists balling in their chains as his veins stood out across his body like thick ivy vines. I waited on bated breath to see his irises, his choice hard to miss. I clutched onto the bodice of my destroyed gown as his eyes slowly fluttered open.