mysterieus love

11

Noella

I'm crying in my bed, I moved places and I cry so much louder than before. I don't know why I cry about a boy, dude or overall a man? I never cried over any man expect my brother, why do I cry about him?

you're liking him...

My mind says and I shake my head. How does my mind know? I barely talked to him, I barely even saw him in person, how can I like someone who I barely have seen or talked with. It is just impossible.

Because someone disappointed you, annoyed you while you though you could trust them.

No I broke his trust, I did it tell him about his girlfriend secretive affair with someone else. No it's definitely my fault I screw up a friendship again. My friendship with Charlotte has broken down and she ignored me, now my friendship with Martin has broken down too, it must be all my fault.. it can't be otherwise.

I hear a little sound on a window. Like someone is throwing little rocks on my window. I walk to my living room and I look out of the window. I see Martin looking for rocks and he throws one again. I open my window and he is ready to throw another one, "what are you doing here?" I ask him,

"I'm sorry, I'm deeply sorry, I can't say enough sorry," he begins and I sigh. He's clear to me, I'm a pathetic dramatic person. He should move on from me right? "Shouldn't have called you pathetic and dramatic cuz you're not that at all," he continues. I hang out of the window and look at him. People around him are looking too and lot of them are whispering. I don't know why.

"Can I please come inside?" He asks me and his face is so puppy coordinated and I chuckle softly. I nod and he smiles softly. I walk downstairs and open the front door. People are still watching and he closes the door quite quickly. We look each other in the eye, his eyes are still so unique and I turn around to walk upstairs. He comes after me and we arrive in my living room.

"Welcome at my shitty messy place." I tell him. "You know I struggle with things a lot," I say and he nods. "I noticed that," he says softly. We both sit down on my couch and breathe out slowly. "I can't talk about my older brother yet," I say and he nods. "It's fine. Any time you need," he smiles and I smile too, his smile is just so adorable.

"I have struggled with depression and anxiety a lot. It wasn't easy but for the biggest part I overcame it. It still is inside me and sometimes I have my episodes," I tell him. All I see is guilt written over his face from the things he said to me earlier today. "I've been bullied on school, kindergarten, middle and high school. College was going pretty fine but wasn't everyone's favourite," I tell him.

He told me so much about his life and it is not fair that he doesn't know anything about me besides that I'm Canadian. "You don't need to be everyone's favourite. As least you must like yourself," he smiles and grabs my hand. "I struggle with self confidence, body image and mental health. All kind of things people find pathetic or dramatic but they don't know that I feel every little thing very deeply and that their words can hurt me, a lot," I mutter. "I just said these two words what all people called you," he says and I nod. I pinch his hand and I feel tears coming up. "I'm just like everyone around you," he says and bite on his lip, "fuck, this is so bad of me."

"You're nothing alike them. Cause I never had someone saying these words and coming back an hour later to apologizes because they knew what kind of mistake they made," I say and smile softly, he chuckles softly and we keep holding hands together. "I don't want to go into detail," I say and he nods. "I get it, I get it Noella, really," he promises me and I feel like a little girl again.

He wraps his arms more tightly around me and I smile softly. This feels so at peace. I never felt so much at peace in my life. Someone phones is bleeping, and w9n't stop bleeping. It's not mine, it is his. He picks after five minutes of listen to his annoying ring tone. "What Kiki?" He asks her. It is Kiki. "No, I don't want to hear it. You haven't seen my text clearly enough. We're over, it's done between us," he says and hangs up, I smile brightly and clap on my hands proudly. "You ended with her," I say surprised. "I came to you saying we took a break but your words once again made me realize this isn't what I want and I'm not the dad, she did told me that on the phone," he says smiling, " all because of you,."

My heart is skipping a best for a second, it feels like time is standing on hold for a moment. His eyes are looking deeply in mine and we don't break the contact we have.
"I feel so happy I could help you," I say and he smiles. "I want to help you," he says serious. "It's something in my brain and all kind of insecurities," I say. "Still. I want to help. Turn those insecurities into high self body image, turns these wounds from the past into scars where you accept what happened and live in the moment. Turn these voices in your head who talk shit about yourself into voices who love you, who motivates you. I want to help you to become the best version of yourself and heal yourself," he says and I feel my cheeks becoming red. I'm just in a gaze of all kind of colors, I feel something so soft and so tasteful on my lips. I didn't know I loved it so much. Now I know why people get so addicted with kissing.