𝚁𝙾𝚂𝙴 𝚃𝙰𝙸𝙽𝚃𝙴𝙳 𝙷𝙴𝙰𝚁𝚃𝚂

𝙲𝙷𝙰𝙿𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝚇𝙻𝙸

—

Is it really possible to put faith or to love someone more than anything in this world? More than your love and dedication can offer?

Isn't that too risky? Too selfless?

However, we're too naive or drunk in love to think about all of that when it comes to love. All the logical reasonings were thrown out the window just to make ourselves fool —to be self-centered.

Some say it's a priceless gift. Some say its a curse that bind us to eternal bittersweet reality of being in love. It's hard to escape from it.

Now I'm caught up in this situations and point of no turning back. My feelings for Sorana is the reason that keep me fighting. I still have a huge trust with Sorana, I still do... even though I have the reasons not to do so with how she became secretive towards me this past few weeks.

Nakakapanghina.

And remembering how Sorana said she'll marry Zachary like she mean it is still haunting me every single day. It keep me awake every night. Sa bawat beses na kasama ko siya ay 'yon lamang ang tanging nasa isipan ko. It was like a plague that's evading my system and leave them crumble to dust.

I keep asking why... Why him kung pwedi nama'y ako na lang. Kaya ko namang ibigay lahat ng gusto niya. Magsisikap ako. Pasisikapan kong maibigay lahat ng gusto niya kahit ikaubos ko pa. Kahit hihilingin niya saken ang buong kalawakan ay ibibigay ko.

Kaya ako na lang... Ako na lang papakasalan niya.

Gustong gusto ko iyon sabihin sa kanya. Magmaka-awa na sanay bawiin niya ang nasambit at sabihing ako lang ang papakasalan niya dahil mahal niya ako gaya ng paulit ulit niyang sinasabi sa akin ngayon ngunit sino nga bang niloloko ko? Hindi lahat naayon sa kagustuhan natin.

All that I'm feeling right now is an overwhelming betrayal and self-doubt as I held Sorana tightly in my arms while listening to her pitiful cries and apologies.

“I can't do that to you, I swear to God.” she whispered with a strained voice. She sounded so remorseful that made my heart tug in pain. I just humm at her while rubbing the back of her head, trying to console her as well as myself from the confusion and pain we both feel. Kahit dumodoble ang sakit ng nararamdaman ko ngayon ay umaapaw pa rin ang pagmamahal at pagtitiwala ko sa kanya.

Hindi ko siya maintindihan. Bakit panay sabi niya na hindi siya nagloloko gayung narinig ko naman mismo sa bibig niya ang mga katagang sumaksak sa puso ko ng paulit ulit? Lahat ng galawan niya nitong mga nagdaang araw ay kontra sa anong ipinaglalaban niya saken ngayon.

Gusto ko siyang komprontahin. Gusto kong isigaw sa mukha nito na alam ko —na narinig ko mismo galing sa kanya na papakasalan niya si Zachary. Pero tang*na! Natatakot akong aminin niya mismo sa harapan ko na totoo ang sinasabi niya.

Ayokong sirain ang ilusyon kong maayos pa kami.

Why can't we love someone without consequences? Without getting hurt? Bakit kailangan mo pang masaktan upang masukat kung gaano kalalim at totoo ang pagmamahal mo sa isang tao?

Guess I'm really weak when it comes to my love.

The very next day I was enthusiastically released. Sorana stayed the night to take care of me even though Inka was giving her a nasty look every move she make. Palagi rin namang napipingot ni ate ang Gaga. Pinabayaan ko na lang rin dahil di ko naman kontrol ang buong nararamdaman ni Inka ngayon. I understand her frustrations and pain. She saw and heard everything and so does she believes in them.