𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐑𝐄𝐃𝐄𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 ( 𝐌𝐱𝐌 ) [ DARK ROMANCE ]

Chapter 91 | PHASE SIX: Healing pt. 2

RAIDEN ||

Life was a numbing thing. Trauma was even worse and healing from that trauma that seemed to resurface everytime I took a breath, that was nearly impossible.

Just inhaling and exhaling took an extreme amount of effort and energy that I didn't have to drain.

I can still feel his hands on me. I can still smell his cologne. I can still see his face, those eyes, everytime I closed mine. . . I can still hear his voice.

"Are you going to be a good boy, Kitten?"

My stomach turns at just the thought of anyone calling me that again. Leaning forward, I dry heave into my bedside bucket for what felt like the thousandth time.

Nothing comes out, I'd emptied the contents of my stomach long ago and I'd thrown up enough bile to fill this small bucket, so I just endure the pain of my stomach muscles contracting before they decide to give me a much needed break.

Sucking in an exasperated breath, I fall back onto the bed again, body still freezing cold as my muscles work overtime, shivering in an attempt to keep my blood flowing.

Even with that, I can still feel his dark magic coursing through my veins, Dax's brandings still burning with a slight intensity to them despite having been free for an entire week now.

My body still hurts.

The first time I was able to get into a shower, I'd scrubbed my skin raw, trying my damndest to rid myself of his touch - of his scent.

But no matter what I did, he always lingered. No matter how much I scrubbed, I always felt. . . dirty.

Yesterday was a bad day for me. I thought I'd gotten a little better but then I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and all I could see that fucking braid hanging across my shoulder, my hair matted but still in that one thing Dax seemed to love.

And before I knew it, I'd cut the entire thing off. My anxiety rose with a vengeance, I could feel his fingers against my scalp, his breath on the back of my neck. I could hear his voice again.

"Do you want a braid tonight, Kitten? You know how much I love your hair like this."

My lip upturned in pure and utter disgust for that thing, for all of those memories because that braid meant Dax was taking me to his bed. To touch me, to violate me.

I wanted nothing to do with it. I didn't want to see that braid or those memories to surface just at the sight of the damn thing and I wasn't ready to ask for help in washing my hair.

So I cut it.

I cut it right off at the holder and I jumped straight into a scolding hot shower that left my skin boiling and I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed until the memory had gone.

Now I didn't even recognize myself but that was ok with me. The man that was with Dax wasn't me and I didn't want to recognize him.

I wanted to see the man I'd become during these past two years of my freedom. I wanted to see the man that Reland helped me become. That confident guy that stood tall with his shoulders back and head held high.

I couldn't get back to that man if I allowed my reflection to show who I was when I was with Dax.

So I changed it. The change was subtle but it was enough for me to finally be able to take a breath.

"Short hair looks nice on you and if you really look at it, it's not that short. Maybe shoulder length with a bunch of split ends, but other than that, it's really nice. It's a nice start to your new change." — Onyx comments, making me feel a whole lot better just to hear his voice.