Unbreakable Bonds

Chapter 21

You became a machine. Everyday was the same thing, woke up before Lex, had a quiet coffee and went for a 5km run. Coming back home, having a shower and making breakfast for you and Lex, then heading off to training. On game days you only ran 3km in the morning. It was the only way for you to deal with the feelings you felt. Everyone could see you were struggling, they all kept a close eye on you.

As the 2016/2017 season comes to an end, you're the fittest you've ever been. Lexs worries had lessened due to the season being over. A nice holiday with just the two of you was well over due. You got to spend 2 weeks alone in Greece with Lex. Just the two of you, a nice holiday room, no clothes and the beach.

After returning, Alexia and Jenni had to go to camp for the Euros, you and Ronnie made the decision to go to Australia and see her mum and your old friends. You loved being back with Maria and your old friends. It was calming, you needed to be grounded and reminded of where you came from.

During one of your usual runs, you did your old routine, without even realising until your feet took you to the house and you stopped running. You hadn't been here since you left. Maria and Dom organised the movers and put most of the stuff in storage. Without even thinking you were suddenly at the front door. You went through the doors, it was dark and dusty, thanks to the ply wood put on the windows. The once vibrant and loud home was empty and dark. The love had been drained out of it, leaving you standing alone and exhausted.

You stayed for a little bit. Sitting in your old room, remembering what it was like being surrounded by your family. You and Ronnie spent countless hours in this room, making up dance moves, singing songs, watching movies, doing arts and crafts and telling each other your secrets. You were softer then, you wished that's how people knew you. The calm, soft version of yourself, the version who was kept locked away from everyone but Lex and Ronnie.

After a while you left, continuing your run. Everyday for the next week the same thing would happen. You run to the house. Spend a couple of hours in different rooms, then run back. Not daring to tell anyone that's what you were doing. Ronnie knew of course. She knows everything without you having to tell her. The unspoken truth between you always brings comfort. Knowing she knows and not having to say those words.

The day before leaving for the Netherlands to watch the euros, you visited their graves. You hadn't been since the funeral. Almost 9 years. You never felt strong enough to visit Australia. It hurt too much, Ronnie understood, so did Maria and your childhood friends. Everyone got it, but it didn't mean the guilt was any less. You wished you could talk to them all one more time. Maybe even just a minute, long enough to hug them and hear their voices, but that wasn't the case. The rain made its way over you. To be completely honest, you had missed winter in Australia. It wasn't really that cold, but in Melbourne you'd often have the 4 seasons in a day. With the flowers laid, and cards that'll never be open, left on their stones, you left. Back to the airport with Ronnie.

The Netherlands were beautiful. Spending time with Ronnie, alone was something that didn't really happen much anymore. Both of you with girlfriends, and other commitments outside of football. It was good. Spain made it to the quarter finals, but lost to Austria. You weren't able to see Alexia for your 6th anniversary, it didn't bother you too much, it sucked but you didn't dwell on it because it wasn't her fault.

She made it up to you once you were back in Barca, in the kitchen, on the table, the couch, literally all over the apartment, over and over again. You were both exhausted. During the euros, it was announced that the Ballon d'Or would also include the women's players as of next year. Before the season started, you wanted to buy a house. It felt like it was time, somewhere Ronnie could live, somewhere with a pool that could be used during summertime. You settled on a new build, Ronnie would move out of her apartment and into the house with Jenni once it was done. What we didn't know was Jenni was leaving. She didn't tell Lex or Ronnie, Mapi or Leila. 

No one knew until the first day of preseason. It was announced during lunch that Jenni wouldn't be returning. Everyone turned to Ronnie. She was just as shocked as everyone else. Jenni, Ronnie, Lex and I went out for coffee this morning. She never mentioned anything, she kissed Ronnie goodbye and off she went. None of us realised that would be the last time we saw her.

Ronnie slammed her locker closed and threw her boots across the room. Everyone sat in silence, watching the scene unfold. You grabbed her arms before she could throw anything else. Holding her tight, letting her cry. Marta kicked everyone out of the locker room, Lex stayed by the door, ensuring no one came back in. Once she had calmed down, you took her to her car and drove her to the apartment you shared with Lex, there was no one you'd let her be alone in the apartment they shared together.

Over the coming weeks, both you and Lex tried to contact Jenni, she wouldn't answer her phone and was reading the messages that were sent. Ronnie had sent her a few messages, mainly angry messages. Once your house was finished, she moved into it. You have her your bank card so she could buy whatever she wanted. Ending the lease on her apartment and putting Jenni's stuff in storage. She was heartbroken, mentally exhausted and there wasn't much you could do to help her.