Unbreakable Bonds

Chapter 32

"Who else knows?"

"Me, Ronnie's mum, the Barca medical staff, the Matilda's medical staff and now you two"

"How-how long?" J asked, it sounded more like a whimper than anything.

"If you want answers Jenni, you need to be more specific." I didn't mean to snap at her. The lack of sleep was starting to catch up on me.

"How long has she had it?"

"Probably her whole life. Her dad had it. He killed himself after going off his meds. She was 6 then. She got diagnosed when she was 13."

"Is it usually like this?"

"No. She is usually good about taking her meds. She's only stopped once and that was in 2016, right after the Olympics but I noticed right away and was able to get her back on them before anything happened."

"What happens now?"

"She will stay at the mental health facility for a few weeks. They will put her back on the meds and increase it until she is better."

"She is violent, yes?" The question I had been dreading. They heard the conversation, saw some of the bruising, they sure as shit saw the holes in the walls and the broken glasses.

"You need to understand, when she isn't on her meds, she isn't the Ronnie you know and love. She is depressed or manic or sometimes violent. But it's not Ronnie. It's not who she really is. She is the most caring, loving and respectful human who wouldn't hurt a fly. We all know that. Sometimes she just forgets it."

Silence encapsulated the table again. I let Lex and J sit in silence so they could comprehend everything they had seen and that I said.

"Listen J, if this is too much for you I get it. It can be a lot but this really doesn't change who Ronnie is. She loves you and would never hurt you. I'm not going to sit here and say it'll be easy forever and this will never happen again, because it probably will, I can't promise you that. But if you think you need space or need to end it, do it now. Do it now and not when she's on the road to recover. I also need you both to understand that this wasn't my secret to tell you. You cannot be mad at me for keeping this from you. I made a promise and I had full intentions of keep in that promise until the day either of us died."

"I'm not mad at you. I'm sad for Ronnie. I'm sad for you. I'm a little pissed off that you had to carry this burden by yourself and that for the past week you've been working so hard to keep her safe, that you haven't looked after yourself. And I'm pissed off that you were physically hurt." I could hear the anger in Alexia's words. She was right.

"It's not her fault Alexia. None of this is her fault. You can't blame her. I'm sorry you got hurt Ana but it's not Ronnie's fault. She's sick! It's not her fault." With the last sentence Jenni broke. Tears falling rapidly from her eyes. I couldn't comfort her. Not in that moment. I just watched as she cried and alexia held her.

"You guys should leave." I didn't mean for the words to come out so harshly, or for my movements to come across as rude but they did. I was tired and overwhelmed. Too much had happened in the last week. From the proposal/break up confusion with Lex to the lack of sleep and downfall of Ronnie's mental health. It was all too much.

I didn't want for them to leave. Closing my bedroom door and climbing into bed. Sleep wouldn't come though. Not until Lex got back from dropping J home. Quietly she made her way in, stripping off and climbing into the bed. WE both stayed silent for a while.

"Mi amor?"

"Hm"

"Come here?" She opened her arms and I made my way into her safety. The warmth of her body, the smell of her body wash and the tightness in which she held me, broke me. All the emotions poured out of me. Lex held me tight, rubbing her hands on my back, whispering how much she loved me and how proud she was of me. After a while, sleep came.