NIKOAJ || hearts and stars

I felt lost.

Three days had passed, Niko wouldn't leave his room, it pained me to see him so torn apart.

I knocked on his door a received a sleepy response of a 'come in' and opened his door.

"Hey Niko" I frowned, you could barely see his face through all the blankets and pillows, "what" he mumbled "I wanted to check on you, can't you come out of your room, Nick?" He shook his head. "No, I'm fine, I just need to be alone, in here" He told me "Well can I stay with you tonight?" I asked, "no, I want to be alone" he told me, "Okay." I huffed.

I sat in silence on his bed, I knew he didn't want me here. "Can I see your wrists?" I asked, since the photos were released, I've been checking to make sure he's okay. "I'm fucking fine, I don't need a babysitter, Aj." He snapped at me, his voice was quick and rude. "Please, Nick." I frowned, Niko pulled his arms out from his blankets and flashed his wrists at me. I ran my fingers over his scars and frowned.

"These ones?" I asked, looking up at him as I ran my finger over a section of new cuts "whatever, Aj." he rolled his eyes at me.

"I really fucking hate this, Niko." I told him, his eyes ran all over me, he chose not to talk to me or acknowledge me. "Did you hear me? I really fucking hate this Nikolas." I began crying "I really fucking hate this Nikolas!" I raised my voice "I fucking hate how this has turned you into the worst fucking person ever!" I yelled, he frowned "I'm sorry-" He tried to speak but I yelled "Why do you fucking do this!" I screamed; countless amounts of tears fell down my face "I can't fucking do this!" I screamed at him, getting up and walking out his room, I slammed the door behind me.

I felt horrible, Niko was taking this a lot harder than me, I should've been nicer but it's so, so hard to be nice to someone who is just dead, compared to who they were happy.

That night, I heard him knock on my door. "Come in" I mumbled, he walked into my room and slid into my bed "I'm sorry." He mumbled and sniffled, his arm wrapped around me "I love you, Aj. I'll always love you, yeah?" he told me, I nodded "yeah," I wanted to say it back, but I struggled, we never said I love you, very rarely.

"Yeah, I love you." I sighed, turning around to face him, I kissed him so softly, I had forgotten what it felt like.

I never knew how much I needed to hear those words in this state, I smiled and cuddled into him. I fell asleep in his arms.

I woke up cold, he was no longer in my bed, he felt like a distant dream though i knew it was real, my bed smelt of his cologne. I breathed it in before getting up. I walked to his room to ask what he wanted to eat, except he wasn't there, his bed was messy and unmade as usual, but he wasn't anywhere to be seen.

I walked to his office, empty, he wasn't there.

He wasn't in the kitchen, nor the living room.

I took a deep breath in and found my phone, I called Niko's number, but it rang out until it went to voicemail.

I sputtered and struggled to talk.

I called George.

"Hey Aj, what's up?" He asked

"Is Niko with you?" I asked

"Uhm, no? Why, what's up?" He began quizzing me. "Fuck, Niko isn't at home like anywhere, where the hell is he? Can you call him?" I asked, George was confused but agreed, Nikolas didn't end up picking up his call, nor Chunkz's, Kenny's, Sharky's, or mine.

He was ignoring everyone, and I felt lost.

I curled into a ball and cried myself into unconsciousness.

Why would he leave me alone like this?

I tried to push the thought out bur no matter how hard I tried; it kept coming back.

"If people find out, I'll still stand by your side."

"But what if I can't promise that?"

"Then I'll have to let you go when the time comes."

I slowly woke up; the floor was cold, and my head was pounding.

I felt useless.

I walked to my room and laid down, I had endless unanswered questions.

I wanted to feel something, I had the urge to feel something other than sorrow and pain for him, i wanted to feel real pain.

I pushed my way out of my room and into his bathroom, his cologne was so strong I wanted it down my throat like the countless date nights. I pulled out his razors, fuck you.

Fuck you Nikolas.

I held a blade in my hand and stared at it, was I serious? I had spent so long trying to get Nikolas to stop, and now I was going to do it to myself?

Who cares.

Nikolas left.

I gripped the blade in my right hand, it didn't glide like in books, I pressed into it, and it finally cut through, my skin bunched up and it sliced through painfully, I let out a loud sob and threw his blade onto his bathroom counter, it bounced back up and hit my face.

"Fuck me!" I yelled, I put my hand over the cut it had made across my left cheek.

It wasn't deep but unexpected and fucking scary.

My wrist was dripping out, I had no idea what I was doing, and I definitely did it wrong. My wrist was aching but at the same time I couldn't feel it anymore. I frowned and walked back into Niko's room, I swayed towards his bed and fell into it, I wrapped myself in his blankets and cried, as much as I hate Nikolas, I don't hope he's hurting. I just wish he was here, at least if he was hurting, he'd be hurting with me, so why'd he have to leave me to do it on my own.

What a prick, I fell unconscious halfway through my thought.

The cut on my wrist felt like a drug, it made me smile, feeling the pain, real pain. 

CHARLIE:

boo hoo this is really something!!!!!

guys can u tell this was planned from the quote xx

IM TIRED AS FUCK RN ITS 1:37AM GOODFUCKINGNIGHT I LOVE YOU