NIKOAJ || hearts and stars

Destructive yet beautiful.

I heard Niko talking in his room, laughing. I sighed happily, knowing he wouldn't hear me come home, I wondered who was here, but I didn't bother risking a slap across the face to find out. I walked upstairs, the stairs to my luck, creaked underneath me. I quickly ran up the stairs as soon as the laughing and chatter died off, I heard his footsteps get closer to his door, I ran and pushed myself up the stairs, his door handle turned as I turned mine, I saw his door open slightly as I quickly shoved myself into mine.

I held my back against the door, locking it in the process, I would talk with him tomorrow, not today, today felt like a risk in itself.

I walked to my window, looking outside, it was still early, almost midday.

I sighed and glanced over at my bedside table, specifically a draw within it. I walked over to the bedside table and opened the drawer, inside laid a collection of blades.

I pulled one from the packet and walked back over to my window. The blade shined in the light, something so destructive yet so beautiful, something so small had plagued so many people with unforgettable scars.

Niko and I had that in common.

Though our scars were so different, his scars were healing, his scars were faded and where the blood once poured from was replaced with white lines, my cuts weren't healing, my cuts were getting deeper, my cuts were red, and the blood poured out of my sliced wrist faster than ever, almost nowhere on my wrist was untouched, every single section had scars and fresh cuts that decorated the skin. Trying to stop was constantly on Nikos mind, trying to stop wasn't on mine. I wanted to watch the blood pour out as I sobbed, at least if I was hurting it was for a reason, right?

The blade glistened in the light as I painted pictures across my wrist, the ink spilled out and slowly spread across, painting a pattern, a picture.

I drew the blade back into my arm, deeper and deeper as I painted more lines.

I choked; a sob escaped me as I continued losing blood from the lines on my wrist, I kept going.

Something in my head told me to go deeper, deeper, deeper.

Deeper.

Deeper.

Deeper.

Deeper.

Deeper.

Deeper.

Until I dropped the blade on the floor.

I couldn't breathe anymore, tears took over my body as I basically yelled with my sobs, there was a knock on my door, but I couldn't answer it. I held my wrist as I screamed out more sobs in the corner of my room. "Oi!" Niko's voice yelled at me from my door, I ignored him. I looked down at my wrist, the entire canvas painted in red, the basic layout that was considered normal was beyond return.

It was beautiful, but for how long? When the blood was dried the sight would be dreadful and disgusting, I would shame myself for it, but the moment of relief was everything I needed to know it was worth it.

I could feel responsiveness and consciousness slipping away, I didn't try to grasp at my useless consciousness or mindfulness, I fell into oblivion.

I was in complete darkness; my heartbeat was in my ears and my arm was numb. My eyes couldn't open, no matter how hard I tried. I felt like I was fighting for my life, but I could feel my carpeted floor beneath me, and the blade that caused this feeling was somewhere beside me.

My eyes finally opened; my window was no longer giving off sun that easily reflected onto the blade, darkness had overtaken the sky and my room, the light emitting from the moon giving me enough light to see simple things in my room, I worked my way into a stand, my hand gripped the window seal for balance, my vision faded in and out until it came to a focus. I turned my light on, and my eyes flicked to the bloodied spot on my carpet. I groaned and looked down at my arm, stained with red, my shirt reflecting the same, I threw on a hoodie and slumped out of my room.

My body swayed unevenly down the stairs, my eyes jumped over everything, my head ached as I reached the bottom of the stairs. I grabbed a glass from the kitchen and filled it with water, taking small sips, when my eyes flicked over to Niko's door as it opened, my eyes didn't linger or stare, instead I pulled my hood over my head. I heard Niko and a woman whispering as they walked down the stairs, Niko urged the woman to say hello "hi Aj!" her sickeningly sweet voice was bubbly and friendly as she waved at me, my eyes were halfway closed, and I must've looked deathly threatening. "mhm" I hummed, placing a hand on my forehead as I winced at the raging headache. "you've just caught him on a bad day, Kiara." Niko assured her, I felt dizzy and fought collapsing right then and there. "mh, sorry" I mumbled into my hand, my shaking hands placed my cup down and I walked upstairs, I was tired.

I heard the front door close and Niko's angry footsteps up to my floor, and my door flung open.

I was stood in the middle of the room, holding my head in my hands, trying to eliminate the pain that I felt all through my body. "Aj." Niko slurred; his words almost shaky. "you're a real prick, yeah?" he told me, shoving me slightly "sorry." I mumbled, but Niko didn't want to hear it, he shoved me again until I was backed against a wall. "You embarrassed me, and more importantly, hurt her feelings!" he raised his voice at me, but his words weren't completely making sense. "Are you even fuckin' listening?" He asked me, loudly, but no matter how loud he screamed his words seemed far away, like he was distant. "Niko-" I mumbled out, but my words came out no more than a jumble of letters and too many stutters. "You ain't even listening!" he yelled at me, my heart dropped as I glanced at his fist, balled up and shaking with anger. "Look at me!" he told me sternly, my eyes tried to look at him, but they drifted around the room, like I had no control "you're drunk." I mumbled; I watched his fist shake even more "I hate you." I whispered with a harsh glare.

My vision completely faded; I felt my legs give out and I had no more control. Everything went dark. 

CHARLIE:

HIII NEW CHAPTERR

hope this is okay it is a bit like shorter than i would like it to be but im so tired and i have so much work (that im not gna do and im js gna write)

LOVE YOU SM