The truth is I couldn't tell you exactly what happened last night,
A lot happened, but you still weren't somewhere close by,
He first dragged me to half way across the living room with my right arm and he was livid after I said that I will continually love you, he said go and tell your grandparents then if you want to leave, If that's your final answer. But how could I when they are already so ill, how could I when maybe I'd be the cause of their death. I couldn't bear that thought you already know that.
I said I can't so he dropped my arm as my mum and my brother got in the way, he then started wailing and crying saying if I leave after so many years in their hands to you, that he will hire a person and pay them to kill me off. To which my anger got even worse and I laughed like a mad woman and the next thing I know glass got smashed beside me because he threw it whilst shouting at me but I couldn't hear what he was saying because all that was going through my head was he would hire someone to end my life because of being with you.
He then stood from his chair saying I'd rather end your life right now with a knife and so he rushed to the kitchen to get the sharpest knife the one he bought new and my brother ran to stop him as he ran he slipped because of the glass but he got up again and ran to shut the cabinet to where the knife was, my mum also ran to protect me and when he said knife I ran upstairs and locked myself in my room.
He then dropped to the floor. I heard him from upstairs, he couldn't feel his left arm, and I was breaking down each second of him, wailing and in pain.
And so he kept shouting, "Are you leaving or are you staying?"
And I had to make my decision,
My brother came in my room reminding me of all the shit I had gone through, how depressed I've been because of all your doings.
My mum also came into my room saying if I leave, I take nothing, just whatever I'm wearing, no money. No clothes, nothing for work.
How could I leave?
When all they want is the best for me?
How could I leave when you weren't even down my road?
How could I leave when I've forgiven you a thousand times to always get hurt because I love you too much?
So I said sorry to them after a few hours I said I am staying and so he made me promise on Allah's name by force that I follow my parents direction and to stop lying. For me, this was the hardest thing to do those three kisses on the quran was heart-wrenching.
And they then hugged me and cried, and they said they're sorry too.
One day they'll too see that I was taken granted, I was taken granted because I love them and I love you but I could never be happy all because they didn't want it and they read every thing I felt and everything I went through with you.
See, I have no safe space right now.
I don't think I ever will.
I feel hopeless,
I feel damaged,
Every breath I take is hard to take.
They think that my thoughts will change after so long of not communicating with you, but it never will, and I hope you understand that.
But I wish you the best,
I hope you find what you've been looking for,
I hope you get money and enjoy every bit of it,
I wish Allah keeps you and your family safe, and he protects you day in and day out,
I wish you never forget me because I will never forget you,
I hope it will be easier for you in the next 5 years,
I love you. I really and truly do.
