A day just like today,
10 years ago I wasn't okay,
A girl who was only 9,
Who pretended every day she was fine.
Inside her whole heart breaking,
The imaginations of one life dying.
Not just any life her closest one yet,
Her mummy who was going into surgery in 4 days time.
Words can never express what this girl thought as her mind was a fragment of every emotion.
No one gets to know the feelings, they think they understand but their no where close.
She hugs her teddybear as she thinks about killing cancer,
She wipes her tears on her sleeve to hide the evidence,
She cries all alone in the shower so grandma don't see her upset.
She questions the meaning of life.
She wonders if God even exists, however every night she prays just to try to keep her mummy with her.
A girl who at this age shouldn't have gone through such trauma. A girl who has had to build a strong wall against her emotions spilling out at such a young age.
This girl is still in the mind of a woman growing up slowly getting to her 20's. It's hard, I can still feel the raw emotions I felt 10 years ago, a simple fragment isn't enough ever I feel the whole package. It just takes over my brain like Ice freezing over every thought.
Maybe one day it will lessen. The pain in her 9 year old heart will slowly fade away, but it's all down to time. But for now all I know is that she is grateful her mummy is still alive and with her and that's all that matters.
