Dishing The Dirt: Nikki Sixx • Mötley Crüe •

Chapter 71: Redondo Beach

Liv's POV:
I never actually knew just how much getting to finally be a mom would change me. The only way I can describe it is like getting the opportunity to see the world for the very first time again, except it's through someone else's innocent eyes. It's such a beautiful experience to see and feel things with a new appreciation and love for life. That first time your feet touched the grass, and playing in the sand. The first time you hear a song or get wet in the rain. Life had so much beauty even in the simple things.

Everything had just been so unbelievably perfect. Since Charlie came into the world, everything for me just felt so... complete.

After I initially gave birth, it was scary. We got to have a quick cuddle with him before he was taken away in an incubator. We spent 2 weeks in the neonatal unit but it felt like an eternity. I'm sure you can imagine after everything, the sheer panic that set in when they first whisked him away from us, but thankfully it was nothing massively serious, it was just to help fatten the little guy up. We could still touch him, hold him and spoil him with cuddles, we just couldn't take him home with us which killed Razzle and I when we walked out of there empty handed. But, once we all came home as a family it was so worth it. Charlie bought so much joy to all our lives and despite how awful things had been for me, life was so beautiful now and I loved every single second of being a mom and a wife.

"Okay, what do you think... too much?" I asked as I held my oversized chandelier earrings up to my ears.

Razzle was rocking and bouncing Charlie in his arms, kissing the top of his thick dark brown curls as he tried to get him off to sleep.

He looked up and glanced over at me through the mirror. "Just a little bit babe..." he smirked. "What about those little small diamond ones you have? You haven't worn those in ages" he said, pointing to his earlobe.

I tilted my head to the side and squinted my eyes as I tried to remember what he meant. Then my mind cast back to Nikki standing in the doorway of the penthouse, reeking of Jack Daniels after a show at The Troubadour and handing me a gift bag with a little box inside and a huge smile on his face after yet another one of our infamous arguments.

"Umm... you know, I think I actually lost those when we moved" I lied.

"You sure? I swear you locked them up in the safe before we flew back home. Do you want me to go check?"

"No! No. It's fine. I'll just wear..." I started rummaging through my jewellery box. "These!" I said as I held up some pearl studs I'd had for years.

He pouted and nodded his head approvingly.

"Are you alright? You seem on edge?" He asked.

I sighed as I put my earrings in. "Yeah I just... look, are you sure you want to go?" I asked, grimacing and flashing my teeth quickly.

"Yeah! Why? Are you not looking forward to it?" He said, walking over and standing behind me.

"I mean, I'm excited to see everyone but... I don't know, I just have a weird feeling" I shrugged.

"Maybe it's just your anxiety, I mean it's the first time since you've had Charlie that we've actually been out and around other people that aren't family, there's the risk of the paparazzi trying to get pictures of us and him and you're going to see Nikki and Brandi - and let's be honest, the last time we all went to Vince and Ashley's for a party it didn't exactly end well did it? So it's no surprise you're feeling overwhelmed and anxious" he said.

"Yeah, you're right. I just... I don't want any arguments. I want everything to just go smoothly and then we can come back here, put Charlie to bed, have a cuddle in bed and fly home tomorrow"