61 ➹ wait for it

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mirrorball  | taylor swift❝ and i'm still a believer, but i don't know whyi've never been a natural, all i do is try, try, try ❞

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mirrorball | taylor swift
❝ and i'm still a believer, but i don't know why
i've never been a natural, all i do is try, try, try ❞

THREE YEARS AGO

THERE'S A CRYING girl in my bedroom, my mother strapped to her bed in her seperate room and Darcy won't stop fiddling in his seat.

He's been upgraded to the adults table but that's only because we've got guests over and father thinks a four year old is good bait to show how loving and caring he is.

My father takes a seat at the table, and all the existing warmthness out of the stone cold room leaves with his arrival.

"Is there anything else you need sir?" Gigi asks. Gigi is young, she works for the Evanders and we'd only hired her after father went to inquire about a portrait I think he just likes looking at her and briefly feeling her hand whenever she sets down a plate in front of him.

"Darcy, stop fiddling with that," he barks.

My eyes drift off to my left side, where Darcy has got the monogrammed napkins in between his small hands. Subconsciously, my eyes then find dad's own hands which are saggy, and splotched with red dots of hyperpigmentation. It's odd how he managed to somehow pull off a face lift that was half decent but somehow lets the skin on his hands sag.

If I were him I'd go down the Dolly Parton route and wear fake hands.

"How is swimming going Spencer?"

Dad asks questions that he knows the answers to. It's how you respond that he's judging.

"You know I didn't make the team. No freshman ever does."

"Helem Evanders is going around boasting on and on about Sage's accomplishment."

Helem Evanders can you please the shut the fuck up for once.

I want to roll my eyes and let out an exasperated scoff, but I force myself to stay composed. If I retreat into my seat without saying a word, it'll only make me seem weak in his eyes and I can't afford to lose any more of his respect. "Yeah, well Sage is good."

"Better than you, is what you mean."

The tension in the room thickens, and I hold my ground.

I meet my dad's gaze. "Yes," I admit, biting down the 'S'. "He's better than me." I don't know why he says it, it just makes him and I both more mad.

"You need to beat him."

"I'm pretty sure I tried."

"Don't talk to me as if I'm some dad expecting too much out of you. You had every advantage — personal coaching, top-tier equipment, a fixated diet, everything handed to you. And yet, you come up short? Explain that."

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