All I Care About

The Shame

Feeling ashamed for having lied to Luhan for his own selfish reasons, Jinho couldn't bring himself to look towards the bedroom door. He knew from hearing Luhan's voice that the boy had found a way to talk to Sehun. For Luhan, everything was better, but for Jinho, things seemed to be getting worse. Even as he tried to sleep, the lies he uttered kept replaying in his mind. A constant cycling of his wrong.

After some time, he couldn't hear anything coming from Luhan's room anymore. He must be asleep....

All thanks to Sehun...

With a sigh, Jinho sat up and walked to the mini fridge. He grabbed a water bottle, desperately wishing it was soju, and finished it in one go. Right after he placed the bottle down, he heard noises coming from the bedroom.

Against his better judgment, Jinho went ahead and peeked inside the room. His eyes noticed the blanket that had fallen to the floor first before finally landing on the boy that was asleep, softly snoring. Jinho shouldn't be in here. He shouldn't be doing this. But he ignored the sirens that were going off in his head as he quietly picked up the blanket and placed it over Luhan.

He spotted the laptop next to Luhan and without much thought closed it with a snap.

When he got back to the couch, he quickly pulled the blanket over his head and tried his best not to think about what Sehun would say if he was to ever find out. What would he do? How would he –

Jinho squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. No. It's best not to think about it...

It was probably around 6 am when Jinho heard knocks on the door. He wanted to ignore it and go back sleep, but a small part of him knew who it was, so he painstakingly got up and opened the door.

"Sehun?" he said when he was met with a worried looking Sehun standing there fidgeting.

"I'm here for Luhan," Sehun replied, moving past Jinho, walking away with determination.

"Why else would you be here?" Jinho muttered under his breath.

Deciding that it would be best for him not to follow Sehun into the room, Jinho entered the bathroom to wash up. He was in the middle of brushing his teeth when he heard Luhan's ecstatic "SEHUN-AH!" He momentarily stopped brushing and turned his head to face the door. He couldn't see them, but he knew the couple were in the middle of a moment. A sweet reunion-like moment. Jinho turned to look back at the mirror in front of him only to see an ugly scowl on his face.

What could be more shameful than lying to Luhan?

Being annoyed at the way Luhan said Sehun's name – the way his voice seems to radiate affection from simply seeing Sehun.

When Jinho got out of the bathroom, he kept his head low – worthy of someone who was riddled with shame. He was halfway across the room when Sehun and Luhan walked out of the room holding hands and smiling (mostly Luhan).

"We're leaving," Sehun announced as their eyes met. Jinho could sense the relief in Sehun's eyes when he said that – as if extremely glad to leave with Luhan, to take him home.

"Are you leaving with us?" Luhan asked.

The fact that Sehun tightened his grip on Luhan didn't go unnoticed by Jinho.

Jinho shook his head and forced a smile out. "No, you two go ahead. I'm going to have breakfast first."

"You sure?" Luhan asked, brows crinkled with slight concern.

"Yeah. I'll see you at school."

"See you," Sehun said, leading Luhan towards the door.

"Bye Jinho," Luhan said with a wave before Sehun ushered him out.