Josh pulled his car right up to my driveway. He shut the headlights off and we were bathed in darkness, the only source of light coming from the yellow street lamp. All the lights in my house were off, no cars in the drive. Black shadows from the trees swayed on the ground of the quite lifeless street.
Our clothes were finally somewhat dry but I still felt bad sitting on the nice leather in his car. I would probably ruin the seat, Josh said he didn't care.
"Well," I said when I realized that we had just been sitting there. "Thanks for coming to the party with us. The guys are a riot."
"No problem, I had fun. Your friends are a riot, too." He smiled and shook his head like he was remembering the past few hours.
"Yeah, sorry, I know they can get crazy. I hope the lake water didn't ruin your snazzy outfit." I pointed out his wet, crumpled shirt, sand still visible here and there.
"Its fine. But it was a killer outfit."
"It was." I grinned.
"Although I am trying out a new style." Josh declared.
"You are?"
"Yes," He added. "its called La Homeless Beach Dweller."
"Oh well it's really working for you." I complimented Josh. "I could never pull that look off."
"I bet you could. Anything would look beautiful on you." I watched his eyes quickly scan my body, then back up to my eyes.
"That's a lie." I almost whispered as I got a little more self conscious. I pulled at my stringy, water dried hair.
"No, I'm serious." Josh kind of laughed, but his face became placid again. I swallowed, unable to process if he just called me beautiful. I started to think over the words over and over again but soon my brain just went blank. At the same time it felt like hundred of thoughts were a spinning tornado destructing the inside of my brain. The mute screaming went though my head as I inspected Josh's face. His careful bone structure sent long soft screens over his face, each shade of grey blending into one another. The blue of his eyes and hair were less noticeable, but the red of his impossibly plush lips was still very much there. They were gently closed, his breath coming naturally.
Then I realized how close we were. He was leaning lightly on the center console of the car, one hand on top of it, the other still on the wheel. I traced my eyes to his lips, then back. We were drawing closer, the tornado still whirling in my head. Was I about to kiss him? I've only ever kissed a few boys, would Josh be one more added onto the short list? I so badly wanted to crush my lips to his. They continued to get more near to mine. I felt his soft exhales, and could see dots of stubble. Could he see the fine hairs that I knew were above my lip too? What about the faint marks from past acne? Closer. I saw each individual lash on his eye, all of them long and dark and perfect. Does he really want to kiss me? Why would he?! Well he must because we are about to. Would Josh and I have the same rhythm that Will and I have accomplished in two years? My mind felt like a car who just came to a screeching halt. Burning rubber, foot pressed hard against the pedal. Will and his words flickered through my skull, "Don't go fucking around."
I pulled back. The air more clear away from Josh, but a lot more lonely. I set my focus ahead of me, through he windshield. This time my mind was blatantly screaming. What am I doing? Tiffany told me to have fun, but...It just doesn't feel right. I cant just screw over Will after two years. I just cant. Its not in my genetic makeup to do that kind of stuff. I cant just let loose and not care. I wont.
Josh cleared his throat, his face looked like it just realized what happened. That he pulled away. He shifted and looked forward too.
"I'm sorry." He stated. "You have Will. I was out of line." I felt my face get hot. What do I say? How do I respond to that?!
