After getting into Joshes car and driving for 13 minutes, we pulled up to a small construction area. The workers had gone home for the day so our car pulled onto the huge,flat, dusty earth. The poorly set up wire fence enclosed us and the pile of dwindling rubble.
Josh smoothly attempted to talk to me multiple times in the 13 minute car ride, but I struggled to not speak in return. My heart and head were a bickering couple. Talking over each other, thinking they were both right. Both parts had very valid arguments, but that only left me tripping to decide. Happiness, love, smiles, kisses, laughs, and gentle caresses? Even though those things may only last for a short while. Or the complete opposite? Which would leave me sad and gasping for air, as opposed to having everything you thought was true, crash and burn around you at the end of the summer.
Which one would leave me as a stronger and better person? What option would I look back on and not regret?
Am I over thinking this or what?
I just want to deal with my screwed up life and not drag anyone under with me.
"Well fuck." Joshs voice rattled in my ears. He stood up our of the car and placed his hands loosely on his hips. I exited the car too,my converse pressing onto the compact dust. I watched his shirt ride up on his torso. A pink belt, the waistband to his underwear, and a strip of milk skin. I tore my gaze, forcing myself to look at his face instead.
I asked him with my eyes.
"I had this big sweet gesture planned out that would insure my feelings for you...but they took down my romancy scenery." I scoffed at his words. This was exactly what I was saying. He was trying to lure my lady parts in by playing the sweet, romantic boyfriend type.
"Josh, there was a motorcycle accessories shop here."
"Fine okay, get in the car I've got another plan." He bent down and slid in. I stayed standing, leaning on the open car door.
"Josh." I squinted off into the distance.
"Penelope." He invited from the car.
I repeated. "Josh." More sternly this time. His upper half popped above the black car roof, hair glinting. "At school you told me to get in the car just this once. I believe that just this once implies that I do not have to get in the car more than one time. So here I am, outside of the car. Therefor I do not have to get in another time."
His face was a mixture of boredom and amusement. "Its part of the same trip. I never asked you to get out of the car. So if I am not mistaken, you must get your smart ass back into the car once again." He ducked under again.
"Come on, we came all this way. Why not finish what you started here and now?" I decided that whatever he said at this construction zone would decide his and my fate. To be or not to be. My heart was thumping, praying he wouldn't screw this up. I did't want to play games. I just wanted to get this uncertainty out of my organs.
He didn't say anything as he got out of the car for the 3rd time. He strode around to my side in about 4 steps and took my hands in his. I loved his hands. Soft and warm and dry like sand that had been baking under the sun for hours. Or kittens fur and clothes fresh out of the dryer. I obsessed over the veins that popped up under the tough skin on the back of his hands, and the smooth lines scratched on his palms. And the calluses that were stamped on his fingertips from playing all the instruments I know he loved.
I looked to his face, hair and eyes glinting like the sun.
"Im going to start out with saying your perfect. Now if you were like any other girl you would be falling over yourself to get to me just cause I said that. But the thing is, Penelope, I know you are not just any other girl. You are different and beautiful and amazing and special and when I am with you-" He looked up at the endless blue sky, eyelashes long against his skin. "God. Penelope you make me feel like the luckiest dude alive." I couldn't do anything but stare at him in utter shock. I had no clue he even remotely felt like that. "Yeah and so what, we haven't known each other for a long time but I want to. I want to know you and kiss you and see you and laugh with you for so many more years to come. And I wont leave you after this summer I swear to god. Also, I know you have been thinking it, but I don't just want you in my bed. I mean yeah hopefully at some point because jeez have you seen your self?" He looked down at me, scanning from head to toe. A smile crept onto my lips. Even if this was all just bullshit...I was so buying it. "Sorry." He smiled showing his bent front tooth that I strangely loved. "That's for another conversation. But do you get what I am saying? Do you believe me?"
