Hate That Monsta LXVER (ENGLISH VERSION)

Chapter 12

I was sitting alone in the room where took place a rap class. I had tears in my eyes, but kept me from crying. I really blew it. I started the song 3 times without being able to continue. But this song I had it in the blood. It's been months that I mastered it... What was wrong with me? Jae told me not to worry, that it was nervousness that had taken over, but that I was going to fix it quickly, I.M gave me a hug and told me that if I wasn't doing better he would disown me (jokingly of course) and Jooheon, well he just left.

It has been half an hour I was there and I still didn't feel ready to show my face. And if I couldn't overcome this stress prevents me to show what I'm really capable of? I continued to think about it and feared more. At one point, I couldn't keep it anymore and burst into tears. I was so ashamed of myself. Maybe you think it's nothing, but I couldn't help being afraid of never succeeding. Yes, only because once, in front of 3 people, I haven't been able to rap a song.

Someone entered the room. I hid my face in my hands trying to look natural which I don't think worked very well and I tried to silence the sound of my sobs.

?: Ha Neul..?

Oh shit. That voice... Why him??

Jooheon: Why are you still here?

Did it look like I wanted to discuss?

Me: Go away.

Jooheon: I came to get my jacket.

Me: ...

Jooheon: Are you crying?

Me: No.

Jooheon: Then why...

Me: Leave me, will you? I want to be alone.

My voice cracked at that moment and he approached me. I fell back on myself not wanting him to see me blush. I heard him kneel and wished with all my heart that he stays there.

Jooheon: Stop hiding, I know you're crying.

He said it so abruptly that I startled. I raised my head to look at him. He put his hand on my face and wiped a few tears apologizing for the other night. Without knowing why, I began to cry harder. He frowned and pulled me into his arms with a strict and sweet gesture. I'veve cried in the hollow of his shoulder for at least 5 minutes and he never flinched a bit. I was so comfortable against him.

Me: Jooheon... I said, continuing to cry.

Jooheon: It's okay Ha Neul, relax.

After I calmed down, I detached myself from him and stood up. Our eyes cruised, but I turned mine away immediately. Head down, I said thank you and quickly deserted the place.

Jooheon: Ha Neul! Wait!

Too late, I had already closed the door behind me.

I sat in the composition room and emptied my mind. When I finally was able to think more clearly, I got rid of this invasive depression and endeavored to see the positive side of things.

Well, there was none. But I told myself that tomorrow was a new day and that I'll go back to see Jae to have a private session. Until then, I wanted to change my mind. I sent a SMS to Kihyun to ask him if he wanted to do something, with the other guys too perhaps. I waited, but he didn't answer. He was probably busy. I started looking for some songs to practice and rapped my best. I easily took pleasure and I found myself practicing several new songs. This motivated me even more to keep rapping and I finally emerged from the room, smiling.

I went down the hall to the kitchen (20 km away) and I took a piece of cake (something I rarely did... nah just kidding, I'm addicted) and settled down at the table. I don't know what everyone had to do today, but it was quiet. Hyungwon came, but remained for a very short time so I had no time to ask him about their daily schedule. I loved having so much time to kill... precisely because I never knew how to kill it. I think I stayed in the kitchen one hour to go around the table and count the number of packets of sugar in the jar on the table. Someone ended up showing the tip of his nose. It was Shownu. He took a glass of milk and I invited him to sit with me.

Me: So, what are you doing today?

Shownu: Oh.. um.. well.. in fact.. we.. we don't have much planned... just a few repetitions.

Me: Oh, I see, can I watch you?

Shownu: No! ... I mean, we really need to concentrate and you really make guys crazy... I want them to stay serious, you understand?

Me: Wow, what a great leader you are haha.

Shownu: Haha thank you, I'm doing my best. I have to go back. See you.

Me: Okay, see ya.

After our brief discussion, I decided to return home to start my review for the last exams. I only had one last flick to give and then I can devote myself body and soul to my dream. Fighting Ha Neul!

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I had a private session with Jae at 8am. And now it was 7:40 and I had just woken up. I hated being pressed like that. In addition, I would have to take the bus because my father was gone I don't know where. He used to wake me up though. This morning, he didn't. I wonder what he had.

There were crazy traffic jams, I was about to get off of the bus to get there on foot, I think it would be even faster.

When I finally arrived at the agency, it was 8:20. I was slightly delayed. Hopefully Jae would forgive me...

I rush striding down the corridor and open the door of the room from Jae.

- Happy Birthday!!!!!

Before me stood around a dozen people, including my father and members of Monsta X. Except Jooheon... My eyes were looking for him. No, but finally, why was I looking for him, I didn't care if he was here or not... I think...

End of chapter 12! Thanks to follow the fiction and to vote^^

Gamsahabnida!