Chapter 5

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"... and it may be that you dislike a thing while it is good for you, and it may be that you love a thing while it is evil for you, and Allah knows, while you do not know"
{Quran- 2: 216}

No one really has any idea about the future. Sometimes we have to make important decisions that can change our lives. However, put your trust in Allah, and do what you feel you should. Allah will either teach you something valuable or give you something valuable. If you're really skeptical about a decision, remember to pray istikara, which is a special dua, just for decision making. It really helps. ;)

Rahmat's POV

"Wait my lengha is going to be red and my hijab is going to be a lighter red?"

"Yes" Ameera replied.

"But why can't my lengha be black?"
I asked.

"NO! This is a wedding! NOT A FUNERAL" yelled Bhabi.

I raised my hands in surrender and sighed.

"OOOOOH WE NEED TO LOOK UP HENNA PATTERNS" yelled Ameera.

"YASSSSSS" yelled back Bhabi.

I decided to walk to my room and when I got there I could hear faint arguing through Hadaf's room. But...Hadaf wasn't home....

"But MOM! I don't wanna marry her! I wanna marry Jennifer" I heard.

"Nonsense! You are marrying Rahmat!" I heard.

"NO! She is so ugly and she isn't even hot! And look at how rude she is. Plus she covers her head! That's so fucking stupid!" he yelled.

Ouch.

"Even that little friend of hers is hotter than her. Who the fuck would like her" he continued.

"Excuse me, but this girl has had several proposals!" yelled Aunty.

Really? How come I never heard about these proposals?

Maybe she's just telling him that....

"And Jennifer? Jennifer is so rude to me. And I am your mother! You're supposed to stand up to me and not let that shaytan infested girl curse me out! Is this how you show me you love me?" said Aunty.

"You won't let me marry her!"

"Because she has no manners, she's unbelievably rude and she absolutely dislikes Islam"

"So? Islam is fucking stupid" he yelled.

"Aseef, slow down, remember you are at another person's house"

"I don't care! I don't want to marry her!"

"Guess what, you are marrying Rahmat, no buts, or arguments" she said.

It was silent and before they could notice I was there, I ran to my bedroom.

Locking the door, I plopped onto the floor in tears. I'm getting married and I'm not even happy about it.

For a very good hour my insecurities took over and I silently cried my eyes out. Soon enough, I got up to pray. I read istikara as well.

"Oh Allah, please allow this to be the right decision. I'm trusting you with everything, please ensure that I'm doing the right thing. I don't know who else to tell. Everyone will think i'm weak, and i'm not strong enough. But you, I can always trust you" I said.

I calmed down after reciting several prayers and praying. I knew praying would help me calm down.

Yes, I am very insecure sometimes because of how I appear and am. But astagfirullah, I shouldn't be. Allah has created me this way and I should be proud of who I am.

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