Hockey Imagines

10. Jake Virtanen (Vancouver Canucks #18*TRIGGER WARNING*)

*TRIGGER WARNING* Self harm in this. If you are not comfortable with this stuff please skip over this one.

Requested prompt: Jake Virtanen, where he finds out you self harm and he tries to help you.

Please if you self harm or are thinking about it please get help. You are so much more than that, it may be hard but it'll be worth it in the end trust me.

Enjoy 💕
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I lay sobbing in my bed. Nothing had gone right. Between my friends and I, school work, anything. My friends are mad because I started harming myself again. I mean I told them I could stop but after everything lately I can't. I want to and the fact that I can't stop kills me. I don't want to be like this. I didn't choose to be like this it's the way my brain works and thinks. Anyways so here I am laying in my bed with my boyfriend Jake's sweater on tracing my marks. One by one, some old, some new.
"What are you doing baby girl?" I hear Jake ask wrapping his arms around me. I slide my sleeves down slowly and turn to face him.
"Nothing," I mumble sticking my face into his chest. He rubs my back.
"I know you're not doing nothing. Why are you crying?" He asks again.
"I'm not," he grabs my face.
"I know you're lying beautiful. Why is that?"
"You're going to be mad and break up with me if I tell you,"
"I won't I promise. It's not like you're cheating on me is it? You're not cheating on me right?" I laugh shakily and wipe my tears.
"No, of course not,"
"Then what is it?" I sit up and he follows me I stick out my wrists. "My sweater?"
"No, under it," I whisper as he rolls up my sleeves.
"Baby girl," Jake says seeming at a loss for words.
"I'm sorry.. I've tried to stop," I whimper crying.
"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" He asks. "I could have helped you,"
"I know but I thought I could handle it on my own," Jake lifts me into his arms and sits me down on his lap.
"Baby," he cooes rubbing my back. "It's ok, you thought you could and it's ok that you can't right now. I'm going to try my hardest to help you with everything and get you back to your healthy happy self," I snuggle into his chest clutching his shoulders.
"I'm scared, what if I can't do it?"
"If you fall, I'll be there to pick you back up. That's what I'm here for to be strong when you can't be," he whispers.
"Why are you with me?" I ask. "You care so much about me, why?"
"Because I love you, I care about you because I love you. Everything about you and I know that you can get through this tough time,"
"Will you be with me?"
"Every step of the way baby girl. We're going to start by throwing all the razors away and wrap up your cuts," he kisses them as I nod softly.
"I love you," I whisper kissing his head and he looks up at me with his blue eyes shining with tears.
"Why are you crying Jake?" I ask wiping them sadly.
"I just don't understand how someone so beautiful and strong could feel so bad as to want to do this," he whispers shaking his head.
"I'm sorry,"
"God! Don't be sorry come here," he says placing me in his lap.
"I didn't feel like I mattered. I know I matter but I didn't at the time. I told everyone who knew I cut that I would stop and look at me. I couldn't and for that I fail,"
"They'll understand and be supportive. We all have our moments where we fail at something. We're human come with me," Jake picks me up and walks to the bathroom setting me on the counter. He asks me where my razors are and I tell him. He drops them all in the garbage bag in the can.
"Alright, now I'm going to bandage up your wrists so first your right one out like this," he shows me how to have my wrist and I place it how he likes me to. Jake finds some gauze and polysporin. He rubs the polysporin on my wrist before wrapping the gauze around my wrist. He secures it with some tape and plants a kiss on it.
"I love you," I confess grabbing his chin so he looks at me.
"I love you too Y/N. My sweet strong girl," he gives me a kiss on my lips before attending to my left wrist. After that's done and over with he ties up the garbage bag and walks down the stairs with it and as I watch from the bathroom window he goes to his car and places it in the backseat. I go and lay on my bed again cuddling up with my pillow waiting for Jake to come back.
"Beautiful, would you like to watch a movie?" He asks. I nod smiling.
"Can we watch Y/F/M?" I ask hopeful.
"Yeah sure I'll find it,"
"Jake?"
"Yeah Y/N,"
"Can you help me set an appointment up with a counsellor. I really don't want my parents finding out,"
"Yeah, of course!"
"Thank you, I don't know what I'd do without you," I murmur softly.
"And I don't know what I'd do without you," he winks.
"You're so cheesy,"
"This coming from you," he laughs. I shrug.
"Hey, what can I say I'm very cheesy," he sets up the movie and turns out the lights joining me under the covers on my bed. Halfway through I find myself falling asleep in his arms. I may not feel strong but in Jake's arms I feel like I could do anything and overcome any obstacle.
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I would like to say to anyone suffering with self harm or any mental illness that you are not alone. I have seen first hand what losing someone to mental illness can do and I don't wish it upon anyone. You are loved by more people than you might ever know but if you ever doubt your worth and the meaning of your life, don't. You are put on this earth for a purpose and while it may be hard right now it will get better. 💕💕
You are loved and treasured. Never forget that!