Dear Bailey

Part 22

Bailey

It had been three days since I had any reception on my cell phone. I couldn't wait to get out of that campground and back to a shower and a clean bed. My dad had kept his promise to take me camping and if I was being honest, spending a few days alone with him was actually fun. We made the long drive to the campground on Friday morning. It was the first time in a long time that I could remember him actually taking a day off to be with me.

After setting up our tents, we walked down to the small lake and fished for our dinner. It was so nice to get his undivided attention. He wasn't distracted by what my sisters needed or busy doing things around the house for my stepmom. We were able to talk about my upcoming move to college. I caught the first fish, but of course the fish he caught was bigger. We took them back to camp and cooked them over the fire. It almost felt like we were doing something that should have been done a long time ago.

That night as I lay in the dark in my small tent, I was left completely alone with my thoughts. I wondered where Lucas was and what he was doing. Ever since meeting him in that airport, my thoughts tended to wonder to him often. I'd be helping wash the dishes or getting my sisters ready for bed, and I'd find myself thinking of him. That night was no different.

There were so many things we didn't know about each other, but at the same time we both knew things about each other that other people didn't. I felt my mouth smile, like it usually did when he was on my brain. His plan was working. He was becoming a friend. I was trusting him with parts of my life that I didn't even share with my close friends back home. There was something about writing to him that made me feel safe.

I imagined him as a teenager having to care for his mother. He wasn't much older than me, but he lived through so many things already. I was spending a weekend away with my dad, while Lucas was spending the night with a family that wasn't his own. He didn't have any choice in it really. He didn't have anyone—any adults at least. That realization made my heart ache. Not only was he on his own at such a young age, he had a younger brother who was still in his life. It must have been so hard for him to be so far away from the last person he knew that shared his blood.

My dad started snoring in the tent next to mine and I couldn't help the little giggle that bubbled up from my chest. I'd felt so resentful towards him for having left me, but this visit had been different. He was treating me differently and I was curious if maybe he finally saw me as a young adult. Maybe he felt like he didn't know how to talk to me before and now that I was becoming my own person, he was gaining in confidence when it came to connecting with me.

Did Lucas ever think about his dad? I don't know how he couldn't. He must have reached some point in the last few years where the lonely crept in. I know that I would be desperate for some sort of connection—even if it was a father who had left. I would have to ask him about it some time.

I pulled my phone out from my bag and checked one last time for any reception. No luck. I was glad I'd told Lucas about the camping trip, but I still had anxiety worrying that he would just think I wasn't responding to his email. It was important to me that he knew I wouldn't let him down. I wanted him to know that I would be there for him. He didn't have to be on his own anymore. Even if we never got to see each other again, I was determined to be someone he could count on and stay connected to. 

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