Dear Bailey

Part 71

Bailey

7:24AM. The clock was the first thing I saw when I woke up next to him. My heart immediately leapt up into my throat. I reminded myself that we still had time. It just seemed like the world was spinning a little faster when I was with him. I turned around in his arms and he pulled me in tighter against his bare chest.

"Good morning," he said hoarsely before pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

"You've been waiting a long time to say that," I smiled and he chuckled, his strong chest contracting beneath my cheek.

"I have. It was worth it."

"What are we going to do today?" I was sure the ground outside was completely covered in snow. Part of me wanted to run outside and throw myself in it. Maybe if it were cold enough it would numb that dagger of pain that twisted in my heart each time I remember that time was slipping by. How many more mornings would I get with him? What if it were only three?

"I thought we would get some breakfast and then run a few errands in town." Of course he needed to grab a few things. I'd almost forgotten about real life outside the hotel walls.

"Sure."

"Do you want to order in or go grab something?"

"Let's go out. I can see more of the town and you can get a few of the things you need." I moved to get out of bed, but he held me tighter.

"I need to talk to you about a few things." His words made that huge wave of dread wash over my body again. I didn't know if I could handle anything he said.

"Ok," my voice was a small whisper.

"I can't look at you when I say all of this, so I'm going to take advantage of having my arms wrapped around you. Please let me get through it all and then I'll let you go and we can just focus on the rest of our time together." I already felt my eyes stinging with tears. I swallowed down the fear and nodded my head.

"Derek needs to finish school. He might not want to if something happens to me, but he will need to. My grandma's money won't last him forever and he'll need to be able to support himself. He's also going to need the stability. I know how hard it was for me to take care of my mom when it was the one thing I was focusing on. There was nowhere to escape from the grief. I want him to have that escape." I listened to his words as closely as possible and nodded my head against his chest. My arms pulled tighter around him.

"I wrote down all the little details and I'm going to give them to you like we talked about. But if for some reason one of you wants it done a different way, do it. If you two are handling things then I'm not here anymore anyway. The most important thing will be that you guys are ok." He pressed another kiss to my head, pausing longer this time like he needed a minute to continue. I felt a tear slip from my eye and fall onto the pillow beneath my head.

"I want you to be happy, Bailey. If something happens to me, know I'll be proud of the way my life ended. Don't let it keep you up at night and NEVER doubt how much I love you and how important you've been to me since the moment you walked off that plane. Keep that in your heart, but don't let it twist into something that makes finding a new love impossible. I hate to even think about it, but thinking about you being alone hurts me more."

I turned my face so I could kiss his chest, and he pulled my head closer and kissed it. "I love you Lucas. I'm going to think about you every minute just like I do already. And you better believe that I'll be there in that airport the second your plane touches down back home. Don't let any of your concentration over there be focused on what I'm doing here. I'm yours and yours only."

"I know," he said with another kiss to my head. "There's one more thing. It's kind of a big one." He moved back so he could look into my eyes. I was a little embarrassed he could see the tears, but his face only fell for a second as he wiped them away with his thumbs. I saw his bright eyes taking me in. He seemed to be memorizing ever inch of me and I wanted to do the same with him. I reached a hand up and touched his cheek. He turned into it and kissed my palm, covering the back of my hand with his own.

I saw the stubble on his chin, and the way his jaw was strong and masculine. What hurt was the way his eyes were free of wrinkles and his short dark hair stood up messily on his head. He was still so young. How was it possible he'd be going to war?

"You're on the board," he said. When my eyes went back to his he smiled, "There's a board in the shop. If something happens, the guys that aren't married have listed their girlfriends' names and numbers. We all promised we would make sure to let them know. I put your name up there and I trust that one of them will call you, just like I'd call their girlfriend for them. I don't know if Derek will be able to do it and I don't want you left wondering."

"Lucas..." I wasn't even sure what I'd wanted to say. It seemed to fall off the cliff that had appeared between us when my heart erupted in my chest and fell straight down to the floor with the heavy weight of all he had to say.

His finger pressed against my lips, "I put you in my will." He brushed my hair back from my face and I noticed how quiet the world around us was. It was as if everything in it knew I was getting all this information and just how important it was. Nothing made a sound. "If Derek can't do it, and there's no one left to make that call—I wanted someone to give the news to you. I made you a beneficiary. It's not much, but it's a connection to me and they'll have to close it out."

My stomach soured and twisted inside my body. I shut my eyes tightly, trying hard to stop the tears from drowning us. Lucas just held me, making sure there was no space between us. I felt my hands gripping onto him, his skin warm and smooth beneath my fingertips.

7:32AM.

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