Fifty Shades of Maraj

Chapter 15

The next morning I wasn't feeling too well. Getting out of bed at 6 am seemed like hell so I gave myself ten more month red... Which turned into an hour.

Did I rushed to get out of bed? Of course not. I did my routine in the normal pace, if not, slower. It was about a quarter past eight when I arrived at work.

"Good morning Mr. Graham." I say as I entered his office.

"Good morning Onika. You're late." He points it out.

"Yeah, sorry, I overslept."

"It's okay, you're forgiven." He steps out of his businessman self. "So, are you still coming tonight?"

"I don't know I'll see it later."

"Okay... I think I'm going to be home late, if you decide to go a nanny will be taking care of the girls. "

"What's the agenda for today?" I asked changing the subject.

"I should be asking you the same thing." I rolled my eyes. "But I have a meeting with Mr. Morgan at 9. Your presence is required."

I just nodded on went to my desk where I was fretted with a call and a bunch of e-mails to respond.

***

"Onika, are you okay?" Andrea asked me. We were down in the cafeteria for lunch time. Our orders were already delivered to our table but I wasn't feeling the tuna salad with herb toast that seemed to delight me fifteen minutes ago.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"No, you're not fine. You've been kind of off lately. What's going on with you?"

"I don't know, I'm not in the mood to eat this anymore."

"Hmmm, you're tired. I suggest you go home and rest for the day."

"But I'm showered in tons of work." And I wasn't lying. The problem with end of the mouth is that the routine of with us unstable. Reports here, meetings there, calls... Not to mention the unexpected exits.

"Look, it's Friday, lunch break, just go. Take your work home. Do it when you wake up, but you're not capable of staying here anymore."

"But what about Mr-"

"Don't worry about anything, I'll personally talk to him."

"Thank you." I gave her a warm smile.
I called a waiter and said make my meal a take away, I wouldn't forgive myself if I left that food behind without eating.

My purse was with me and I left everything organised before coming to the ground floor so there so reason to go back upstairs.

I say my goodbyes to Andrea and got out of the building where I was met by tons of cabs. Getting inside one, I put on my shades and told the driver my address.

Each second that passed a new thought hovered my mind. What could possibly be wrong with me. I dug in the furthest and only came to one conclusion.

"You know what you can just leave me in that pharmacy around the corner." I told him. Since we were already on my street, in less than a minute I was paying him.

***

I should've known this was happening from the way I've felt sick especially in the mornings which I always brushed aside thinking it was stress from work and how picky I was about what I ate.

Pregnant.

A tear escaped from my eye. I couldn't stand to look at my face right me.

Pregnant.

That's' it. I'm pregnant and I'm helpless, at least that how I felt in the moment.

How could I let this happen? I only aimed to finish Drake up, not to drag myself to an end too.

And what am I suppose to do with a child? I'm bringing another life into this world when I don't even know what exactly am I doing with mine...

After a sermon in my head, I carelessly threw the tests in the trash can and washed my hand. Exiting the bathroom, I grabbed my phone off the bed and order a pizza. Nothing better to sink the sorrow in food.

The delivery guy arrived with my pizza in 20. I paid for it and enjoyed the meal while watching a random romcon I found on.

***

"NICKI!" Safaree angrily shouted from upstairs which caused me to get a little irritated. Right when I was getting the hang of it.

"Huh!?" I heard nothing except for his rushed footsteps getting louder and louder my way.

He stood in front of me blocking my view to the TV.

"Excuse you. I'm watching that." he didn't say anything. He just grabbed the remote control and turned it off.

"What's this?" He asked holding up one of my pregnancy tests I took earlier. I looked at him with an 'I've been caught' face.

"How did you find out?"

"You should have thrown it away if you didn't want me to find out."

"You went through my trash can? That is so-"

"You left one behind, next to your washbasin in your bathroom."

"What were you doing in my bathroom, that's invasion of privacy."

"I wanted to talk to you... Your lights were all on, I thought you were in there or something."

Oh.

"Have you been sleeping around?"

"Stop insinuating that I'm a hoe."

"Well, then stop acting like one." Did he just...? "I'm sorry, okay? This just ain't working. I'm leaving." He said grabbing his keys for the keys holder.

"No Safaree, please don't leave me." I said getting up from the couch. I heard my phone falling to the ground but I don't care at the time.

"Nicki, I tried to stop your nonsense before all this got into your head. Look at you, look what you got yourself into now." He shook his head. "I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore."

"What do you mean, you can't do this anymore? After all I've done for you?"

"What exactly have you done for me lately?"

I remained silent.

"Look, the only reason I've been putting up with this shit is because I was hoping you'd stop and realise this ain't about that life. You've been spending so much time with that boss of yours... I need you here with me too Nicki."

"But I am here Faree. Can't you see?"

"No, Nicki. I can't see. This..." He moved his hand around motioning all of me. "... This is not the girl I feel in love with." What?

"So you're saying you don't love me anymore?"

"I never said that. You'll always have a special place in my heart. But right now there isn't any space for you."

With that he was out of the house. Only after the sound of car faded I broke down crying.

He's right. After all this time I've been a bad friend to him, I've neglected him. I've been so distant I couldn't see what was happening in front of me. Safaree saying he had falling in love with me was the bottom of the day. I never intended to hurt my friend, my hero's feelings. It made me feel even worse because I didn't have the chance to talk to him. I'll ever be able to forgive my self for this.