Love Is A Crazy Thing

TweNty nINe

⚫Two Months Later⚫

"I miss you so much," I sigh into the phone. "Liam's getting so big. He can hold his head up and lie on his tummy looking like he's doing push ups. He likes to roll around on the ABC blanket."

"Two more months before I can fucking hold you again."

I sigh again. Christian calls every other day, sometimes twice a day if I'm lucky. "I miss you so much." My voice cracks a little as I rub small circles on my ballooned out figure. Six months in and ready to just pop this one out. I don't want to know the gender. What's the point in celebrating the creation of a baby when my husband isn't around to see it too.

"Don't cry," Christian whines into the phone. I wipe my tears with the back of my hand and giggle a little. "I like it when you're happy. Don't be sad."

"I'm sorry," I pout, despite him not seeing it. "I'm just alone, ya know?" This time he sighs.

I can picture him pacing with his phone to his ear, a pack of candy in his free hand, him trying to figure out how to eat without me noticing. I married the cutest man child alive. "You can't be angry at them forever, baby."

"Of course I can," I tut. "I don't like being used. You know that."

"But--."

"Got an appointment, bye."

"Find the gender out for me," he pleads. I nibble on my bottom lip, letting the line become deadly quiet. I would have nobody to celebrate with if I find the gender out. "Please, Angel, please. I just want to know if our second is a boy or a girl."

"I-I--."

"I will be the happiest man alive if you call me later saying the sex of our baby." His words melt my already melted heart. I agree quickly before hanging up.

With Liam tucked safely in his stroller and a freshly packed baby bag, fully stocked with pretzels for me, I make my way to the hospital.

➖✖➖

Liam watches the doctor put the warm gel on my stomach. She moves the wand around my stomach. I rock the stroller while I watch the screen blow up with my baby. I smile softly at the image. He or she is sleeping.

"Did you want to know the sex today?"

"Yes please." She gives a firm nod, continues her examination before taking pictures and shutting everything down. She leaves, not before helping me clean up, and comes back with a stack of pictures.

She takes a seat beside me and holds up two pictures. "As you can see. . ." she points directly to a small blur on the picture. Tears sprout to my eyes.

"A boy," I blubber slightly to myself. "I'm having another boy." I bury my face in my hands. The curtain opens and a flood of people come in. I watch my friends and my dad come in. Jeremiah holds his son and daughter in his arms while Sarah leans against him. "A boy, another boy." Liam's wails break me from my spell.

I pick him up. He instantly calms down. The little liar he's becoming; faking hunger just to be held.

"Angel?" I break my gaze away from Liam to a teary eyed Ella Sam. She holds my gaze before taking a deep breath. "We're all really sorry. We didn't mean for you to feel like we were using you."

My head hangs but I allow the cluster of woman to pull me into a group hug. Liam whines at the pressure put on his small body. They move back to let me put Liam back into his stroller.

I'm in that part of the pregnancy where I enjoy knowing I'm having a baby. Of course there are times where I wish I had waited a few more years, but I'm twenty three, married, and fully capable of caring for two babies. I am not alone.

Dad gives me a hug next, whispering sweet words into my hair at the news of his second grandson. Jeremiah engulfs me last, and just like dad, gives me sweet words to remind me how much he loves me. Jere and I haven't been the closest in the last few years, but he's still my brother and I love him.

Nobody speaks for a while, even as a small stack of sonograms are handed to me. With a deep breath I watch as the remorseful women before me wait for my reaction. What else do they want me to do? It's been two months.

So I cry.

Sarah pulls me for another hug. This time I accept her advances and just hug her back. Soon enough the rest of them join in again.

Make up hugs are always the best.

When everyone calms back down I pull my jacket on. February around here is starting to warm up. In three weeks I'll be seven months pregnant-- one more month until Christian comes back. Is it possible to miss a man child so much?

Once Liam is secured in his car seat and everyone else goes home I sit in the parking lot of the hospital. Overwhelming sadness washes over my body. I've never really thought about Christian being gone until now. I've been trying to avoid it; he'll be back, that's what I think. Liam softly falls a sleep while a few fat tears fall down my cheeks.

My head leans against the head rest of the car. Taking a few deep breaths, I start the car and leave for home.