Lost It All [1/5 Tony Perry series]

• You Only Live Once •

{ f o u r t e e n }

**SORRY GUYS THIS CHAPTER HAS A LOT OF DIALOGUE**

I woke up, in pain, in a hospital bed, in disappointment, because I was hoping to be dead and to know that not even death wants me, hurts.

"What the hell were you thinking?!" My stepdad yelled in my face. I flinched at the sound of his loud voice. "YOU DIDNT HAVE ENOUGH ATTENTION BY KILLING YOUR BROTHER?! HES DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU AND THEN YOU TRY TO KILL YOURSELF?! YOURE WORTHLESS AND YOU CANT DO ANYTHING RIGHT TONY!" He yelled.

A tear rolled down my cheek and it burned. Now I really wanted to be dead. "LEAVE HIM ALONE AND GET OUT!" My mom yelled from behind him. All the loud voices triggered my ears to ring.

My stepdad left the room and my mom was covered in tears. "Babe. What were you thinking?" My mom whispered as she sat down beside me.

I shrugged and sighed.

"You can't just take every problem that comes across you and decide you want to die. There is a part of your life you're going to lose someone you dearly love and you can't do anything about it.  Anthony is indeed going to be missed, but you can't-" My mom tried to say the rest of the sentence, but the doctor came in. 

"Ms. Perry? May i have a few words with Tony?" She asked my mom. She glanced at me and smiled. "Of course." She replied. 

My mom stepped out the room and the doctor sat on the chair beside me. 

"How are you Tony?" 

"I just lost my little brother.. IM GREAT." 

"Tony please."

"Im sorry."

"You've been asleep for three days and Ive spoken to your mother. She told me that you've had trouble with suicidal thoughts."

"I just jumped off a bridge, I'm fine."

"Tony please. I'm trying to get some information so i can see if you are sick enough to go to the institut-"

"NO IM NOT GOING TO BE ONE OF YOUR STATISTICS."

"Tony please calm down. thats why I am here to help you."

"Look I'm not going to that hell even if it means you have to break rules."

"Tony. Calm down. Im going to ask a few questions please answer them honestly. Why do you feel as if you're better off dead?"

I paused for a moment and thought about the question. 

"I- I just want to be dead."

"Why is that?"

"Just get out." I muttered under my breath. She looked confused and opened her mouth. 

"Wha-"

"I SAID GET OUT." I yelled. Her face was unreadable as she grabbed her stuff and left the room with no further saying. 

I sat up in my hospital bed and looked around my room. Balloons and cards all over the place. It angered me that i was getting the attention. When Anthony just died days ago because of me. If it weren't for me he would be alive and playing games in his room. 

Like always I ruined his life.