Shawn Mendes Imagines

To be Loved

warning: trigger warning, read at your own risk.

(Y/N POV)

"Shawn please." I plead as I'm on the ground holding up my hands in defense.

"You bitch! Never doing anything right. I hate tomatoes on my sandwich." He says throwing the food at me.

  "I'm sorry, it was an honest mistake." I whisper scared of what he would do next.

  "Everything is an honest mistake, like sleeping with my best friend you slut. I don't know who would even want to touch you." Shawn seethes.

  "I'm sorry." I say for the 20th time tonight as I put my head down and begin to sob into my arms.

  Shawn and I were madly in love 5 months back. We moved in together and everything.

   But one night at a party ruined it all. I got drunk off my mind and slept with Shawn's best friend. I woke up naked, not in my bed, finding a used condom on the ground and Ian on the other side of bed naked too.

   I confronted him about it because the guilt about lying to him was eating me up. I didn't think he would get so angry with me. I always saw the sweet, funny and dorky side of Shawn.

  He got so angry, he took it out on me. He beat me so bad that night. I remember it like it was yesterday. He didn't even apologize the next day. From then on, I've been his stress reliever. He's been abusing me for 5 months for the simplest things. Like if I put on the wrong shirt, too much salt in his food, not folding the clothes or making the bed. The simplest things would make him hit me.

  Every time I go out, it's always jeans and a hoodie. The bruises are too visible and no one can know what he does.

  It would ruin his career and he would just get more angry.

Sometimes the beatings get so bad, I pass out. He doesn't even bother to aid me. I just wake up in the same position I fainted in finding him gone in the studio or somewhere else with another girl.

I'm sure he's fallen out of love with me. I shouldn't have ever slept with Ian.
I wasn't even in the right state of mind.
Never would I cheat on Shawn purposely.

  That one mistake caused me my freedom and hundreds of bruises.

  Everyday is a nightmare, but I can't leave him. I love him too much to.

  It slipped out of my mind that he hated tomatoes when I was making us dinner.

It puts me to where I am right now, on the floor with dishes broken, glass everywhere and food all wasted.

  "Fucking sorry doesn't help you (y/n)." Shawn growls getting closer to me.

  I look up at him and start to whimper knowing what was going to happen next.

  "No!" I scream, his arm fist up, there's nothing I can do. He kicks me in the stomach knocking the wind out of me.

Another kick and another. He then kneels down and slaps me in the face.

  "Let this be a lesson bitch, don't put tomatoes on my sandwiches." He snarls getting up and going to the door. He slams it on the way out, leaving me on the ground bleeding from the glass shards stuck in my skin and I can already feel the bruises forming.

  I lay here for another 10 minutes crying my eyes out. I don't think I can take much of this anymore.

  I use the wall as support to pick myself up. I groan as I lift up my shirt in front of the mirror in my room. It's so sad that me and Shawn doesn't even sleep in the same room. Don't think the tears have stopped because they haven't.

I sit on my bed and look at myself in the mirror. My once tan beautiful skin is pale and ghostly. Bloodshot eyes and bloody body.

"Why am I doing this to myself?" I mumble.

Tonight's the night, the night where my life ends. I can't stay in this relationship and I can't leave. I still love him so so much but it's gotten too far. Shawn controls everything else in my life, but I'll be the one deciding when and how I die.

I limp to the restroom still holding the wall for support. Once I get there, I open the medicine cabinet and take out a handful of random pills. I stubble to the toilet and sit on lid of it.

Tilting my head back I shove all the pills in my mouth and try my best not to gag and get all of them down.

Once they are all gone I sit in the bathroom floor and write him a letter on why I had to do this.

I feel myself getting dizzy and nauseous. The walls are spinning and everything is blurry. Then the sweats some and I black out. Finally, I'm free.

(SHAWN'S POV)

I get back to the house after cooling off with Rebecca this random girl I met at a bar. She doesn't know that I abuse my girlfriend or whatever (Y/N) is.

  She cheated on me, so I'm evening the playing field.

It's not that I like hitting (Y/N), it's just that I can't help it.

   I haven't forgotten when she slept with my best friend.

She deserves all the beatings that came to her. I have never understood why she hasn't run away yet. I'm a monster and no one can be with a monster.

I walk to the kitchen to see if she's there like usual when I hit her and she passes out. But she's not, I begin to walk to her room and open the door. She's not in here but I never go in here. On her drawls and closets, she has photos of us, when I was happy with her.

They are scattered everywhere around her room. And on her bed is the teddy bear I gave her drenched in her favorite cologne of mine. I gave that to her when I had to go on tour. I almost feel guilty. I walk to her bathroom and see the light on with the door closed. I bang on the door to see what she's doing in there.

"If you don't fucking open this door right now (y/n)." I threaten and continue hitting it.

It's been a full minute and she hasn't answered so I back up and ram into the door. It cracks open and as it swings it gets stuck on something. I look and she's on the ground with pill bottles everywhere. I begin to process what I'm looking at right now.

"No No." I mutter getting on my knees and supporting her head up. There's a note in one hand and a pen in the other. It wasn't suppose to lead to this.

I pick up the note and begin reading it;

shawn, I keep telling you that it was
mistake sleeping with Ian. I don't
know what I deserved to be beaten
by you so bad. I'm sorry
if I make you mad and do things
wrong but no ones perfect. all I wanted was to be loved by-

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this ones intense and so sad:( cliffhanger af
Hope you guys enjoyed. this was dedicated to peachyshawn love your writing!
comment, vote, share! -b
        love always <3