It's been a little over a week since I've seen Shawn which is refreshing and depressing at the same time.
But all the shit he does to me, I can't go back, I won't.
Mandy and I have been spending a lot of time together recently since I'm still staying at her place until I get my own, but I'm content with my living arrangements.
Shawn called and texted multiple times a day which was aggravating so I decided to block him.
He started to call and message Mandy about me.
One of the reasons why I loved him so much, he's so stubborn and determined on getting what he wants.
Mandy's gone to work so I'm home alone on the couch, wrapped in multiple blankets because winter in Canada is brutal.
There's a string of knocks on the door and they begin to get louder and louder with each one.
I groan at this persistent person and make my way to the door. Mandy's door doesn't have one of the fisheye things to see people so I don't know who it is.
"Who is it?" I call out placing my hand on the handle of the door.
"Open the door!" A voice yells, it's not Shawn's since this persons voice is very deep.
I hesitantly open the door and peek out.
My breath gets caught in my throat as I try to close the door. His foot comes in between the doorframe and stops the door from closing.
"I don't want to see you. Leave." I seethe.
"Too bad cause I don't care." He counters, pushing the door open and knocking me a few feet back.
"Leave right now, or I'll call security." I growl.
"The security guy down there is my friend. He use to go to the same school." He smirks walking to me.
"Get the hell away from me you ass!" I yell moving away from him.
He doesn't listen, grabs me by my wrist and drags me to the couch and yanking me to sit down.
"Don't fucking touch me again. You lost the right when you wanted me gone." I grumble, pulling my hand away from his electrifying toxin of a touch.
His face turns emotionless and then angry.
"You're the one that wanted to leave, you did leave!" He exploded throwing his hands up.
"You're the one that wanted me leave, don't you fucking remember "maybe I don't wanna be with you?" Or was I not good enough for you to remember?" I mockingly question, crossing my arms, feeling the burn in my eyes.
"I wasn't thinking straight (Y/N), you mean the fucking world to me." Shawn whispers pulling his hair in frustration, something he would always do when stressed.
"Then why did you cheat on me?" I turn my gaze to him. "Why would you always stand me up on our date nights, or come home smelling like perfume and alcohol? Why would you always leave me for your friends, or when we're in an argument?"
He looks at my tears rolling down my cheek and collecting at my chin moving his hand to wipe them away, but I move back so his hand swipe the air.
The sadness and hurt in his eyes make me shed more tears but I rub my eyes so they won't escape. I won't show remorse for him. He doesn't deserve my tears.
"You can't answer that huh?" I scoff getting up but he pulls me down again.
"I can fucking answer that, you just leave like last time." I exasperates rolling his eyes.
"The reason why I do this dumb shit to you is because I'm scared. I'm scared of what feel for you and what I want to do to you. You give so much purpose and meaning to my life. I was so fucking scared to let you in, that when you found out the fucked up shit I did and do, you'll leave, and I didn't want the pain of that."
"I wanted to make you leave so I wouldn't have to take it too much. That's when I started sleeping girls I couldn't give a fuck about. Why I stood you up and why I get drunk. I get drunk to oppress the guilt I feel for you. And when you left, I lost it, I thought that this is what I wanted, for you to leave but I was so fucking wrong." He pauses pulling his hair again and then continues.
"I destroyed half the house, but I bought everything again. Down to the fucking Mickey Mouse clock that you love so much. I pictured you with another boy and all I could see was red. You are mine and I am yours. And when you walked out that door, I knew I needed to get over my insecurities. I'm ready to open up and give you my all and I hope you want to get to know me better. I'm so fucking sorry about what I said to you. I just wanted to protect my feelings to think of yours. I'm sorry I was selfish of you but please, just give me another chance. I'll treat you like the princess you are and you deserve the world. If you need time, I'll give you all the time you need. Im not going to give up on you until the day I die, so please." He ends his speech, giving me a pleading look.
I burst into tears, confused and happy that he cares this much.
"I-I don't know." I confess.
He turns stiff as he nods as he begins to stand up.
I begin to panic, thinking abruptly, I shoot up and wrap my arms around his torso to stop him from leaving. I bury my face into his shirt soaking in his scent, can't remembering back to when I was this close to him.
"I want to be with you, I love you so so much I can't even comprehend, but if you do any of this shit to me again, it's over." I mumble into his chest.
He visibly sighs of relief as he begins to lean into me holding me closer.
"How the hell was I so dumb to let a artwork of a girl like you slip through my fingers?" He mutters.
"You can't possibly love me as much as I love you, impossible." He scoffs.
"Possible."
----- UNEDITED
QUESTION- do you guys prefer short of long imagines ?
hope you enjoyed and omg IM BIYING THIS BIGASS POSTER OF SHAWN AND ITS THIS PICTURE and IM SO EXCITED TO GET IT, THANK YOU jchavez010 for GIVING ME THIS IDEA, ILYSM
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