reality | nine

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"I've been traveling the deserts of my mind,
And I haven't found a drop of life.
I haven't found a drop of you."

. . . . .



"Wake up, Josh," Someone spoke in a hushed tone. "Josh, please!"

My eyes snapped open and I sat up straight on the couch. My mind raced as I turned to look over at a frantic Bryce. I could feel my heart break when I stared into her wide, glassy eyes and I was sure I must have looked just as terrified as she did.

Bryce's hand was trembling slightly as she went to reach out and touch my arm, but I only shrank back and away from her. I hid my face, turning away from her in shame. I couldn't believe I had fallen asleep. Tyler had been right, this was a horrible idea. She must have thought I was a freak - insane even.

I refused to look at her as she spoke my name again almost inaudibly. My jaw was set as my heart jumped at the sound of the stairs creaking. Both Bryce and I looked toward the doorway to see a very tired Johnny, rubbing his eyes in hopes of waking himself up slightly.

"What's going on?" He croaked out and even in his half awake state I could hear the concern in his voice.

I took a few gulps of air as I tried to compose myself and out of the corner of my eye I could see Bryce shift uncomfortably. She must hate me.

"N-nothing," I forced myself to speak, and I cringed as my voice broke at the end. "Bad dream."

I stood, not letting it show that I was still shaking from the event of my nightmare. I made my way over to him as quickly as I could before I crouched down to his level.

"I'm sorry I woke you up," I spoke in a shaky voice.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Johnny asked again because I'm sure he could tell I was hiding something.

"I-" I paused, trying to collect my thoughts. I didn't want to lie to him. "Sometimes when I sleep I dream of monsters."

Johnny tilted his head in fascination as he took in my words.

"And sometimes these dreams can get pretty scary." I tried to make it sound less than it actually was. "But I'm okay."

Johnny nodded his head as an unexpected yawn left his mouth. I took his tiny hand in mine and led him back up the stairs to his room, not even thinking about looking back to see Bryce's reaction.

Once we made it to his room, Johnny instantly hopped up onto his bed while I pulled the blankets back so he could crawl under them. I draped them back over his body and forced a smile onto my face as I ruffled his hair slightly. I had to hold myself together because I knew I could break at any second.

"Sleep tight," I said quietly before I turned to leave the room.

Just as I made it to the door, Johnny spoke up. "Josh?"

I hesitated, but turned back to look at him anyway. It was dark in the room, but a trickle of light from the lampposts outside shown through the windows just enough that I could make out his face.

Johnny curled into his pillows, eyes half closed, before he spoke again. "Those monsters. I know you can defeat them."

I refused to let the tears that had instantly pooled in my eyes to fall as I stared at the young boy with admiration. He was only 10 and yet here he was consoling me and my fears. Why couldn't I be strong like him?

After I shut the door to Johnny's room, I pressed my back against its cool wooden surface. I didn't want to face Bryce. I couldn't. I was weak and I didn't want her to see me like this. With a few heaving breaths, I descended the stairs as quickly as I could. I didn't even stop to see if Bryce was still in the living room as I headed straight to where my shoes and coat were left by the front door.

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