reality | thirty-five

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"Either way you're by my side until my dying days,
And if I'm not there and I'm far away,
I said, 'Don't be afraid.'"

. . . . .



Stacks of old tapes from years before were strewn across the carpeted floor of the garage. I sat crosslegged on the ground close by, holding a small group of them in my hands as I looked down at the titles written on the outside of the plastic casing.

Tyler and I had thought that recording would be easy. What we hadn't thought about was what songs we were going to record first. It would be the first grouping of songs we would put out to the world and they had to be the right ones. It was an agonizing process to sort through the bits and pieces that we had, but in the end I knew it would be worth it.

"We're not using that one."

I jumped as an arm reached out from over my shoulder to pluck one of the tapes from my hands. My body turned slightly to look up at Tyler as he stood from his knelt position next to me.

"Why not?" I furrowed my eyes at his quick decision making skills. "It's a great song."

"Because its sound doesn't go with the others we've already chosen," He spoke as though his words were the final say.

I narrowed my eyes at him and pursed my lips in defiance. "I think we should at least put it in the consider pile."

I reached out and snatched the tape back from him and with a triumphant smile I set it down in the minuscule group we called 'the maybes'.

Tyler let out an exasperated sigh and stood to full height, heading back toward the entrance to the house. "There are a few more left in the living room. I'll grab them."

My eyes trailed after him as he disappeared into the house. I sighed loudly once I was alone, setting the tapes in my hands on the floor in front of me. It was tedious work what we were doing now and I knew there would be some disagreements to come, but I just had to keep telling myself that it all had meaning.

A hazy film fell over my eyes as glimpses of my dream from the night before passed through my head. It had been the first time in months I had gone a whole night without waking up gasping or screaming. I wondered if the faded version of my shadow had anything to do with my anxiety medication finally taking effect on my body.

It scared me a little. As much as my dreams terrified me, they were still a big part of why I was the person I was. And if all of that fear went away, who would I be then?

The door to the garage swung open and Tyler stepped back into the room, the satisfied smile on his face peaking my interest. He absentmindedly dumped the last few tapes into my lap, though held onto one in particular. I watched as he made his way over to the tape player and opened up the main compartment and slide the plastic square into place.

Tyler's thumb pressed down against the playback button and both of us waited in silence as the muffled static from the beginning of the tape filled the air.

"I wanna fall inside your ghost,
And fill up every hole inside my mind,
And I want everyone to know,
That I am half a soul divided."

My forehead creased in deep thought as I tried to remember if I had ever heard the song before. I shut my eyes as the soft piano continued on, the melody instantly putting my mind at ease.

"What is this?" My voice was almost inaudible as not to disturb the song.

"Taxi Cab," Tyler spoke just as quietly. "I never showed it to you since I only recorded the first half..."

I opened my eyes as I stared up at my friend from my spot on the floor, waiting for him to continue.

"This sound." Tyler gestured toward the speakers. "This is what I want our first album to sound like."

My chest tightened as excitement bubbled up inside me. I nodded my head in agreement, reaching out for the tape Tyler had taken from me only minutes before. Tyler watched my actions curiously as I pulled it from the maybes pile and placed it into the save for later section. He had been right; the sound of Clear just didn't fit.

I turned to look back over at Tyler and shrugged my shoulders in response to his raised eyebrows. We smiled then, both knowing we had found a real starting point and we're ready to barrel on ahead.








. . . . .

A/N: Hello, friends!! So the next couple chapters (including this one) are a bit shorter than normal. We have come to the turning point in this book and it's hard to say, but we are coming up to the end pretty soon. It makes me want to cry because I love it so much!!

As always, I hope you all have enjoyed the story so far and I'm very appreciative of all the votes and comments this book has gotten since I first posted it. Thank you. Love.



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