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Chapter 34 - Lzaer Tag Disaster

Chapter 34 - Lazer Tag Disaster

Getting asked by a beautiful blue eyed boy, who you like so much, to be his girlfriend on a hot air balloon with Los Angeles' amazing view would have been enough to make a normal girl say yes with no reservations. But most girls don't exactly hold a huge secret that defines her completely. Most girls doesn't get rape when they were 15 more than once and then gets left behind by everyone she thought would stay. Most girls doesn't exactly hold that much burden.

The way Alec looked at me almost made me say yes. Almost. He was looking at me with so much adoration and love, yet nervousness was also there making him look more cute. But a lot of things were running in my mind. I couldn't say yes to being his girlfriend when I'm holding back this huge secret from him. It just wasn't what a proper and right relationship should go.

"I'm sorry," I murmured that was probably just above a whisper.

As soon as I said it, I wanted to take it back. The look that Alec had soon deflated and was replaced with hurt and confusion. From my peripheral vision, I could see Gary slightly rubbing his neck and busying himself with something that probably wasn't important just to get him out of the awkward state he was in. But I didn't care about him. The only thing that was on my mind was Alec and my secret.

"I can't, Alec. I'm sorry," I said louder this time.

Alec pulled away from his embrace as stared at the vast expanse before us. For awhile he didn't talk, he just stared at nowhere with a frown on his face. I debated wether to say something but couldn't think of anything else to say. The only thing that I wanted to do was to be fair to him and tell him right here and then exactly what the hell happened to me. But I just couldn't bring myself to say it. I didn't want to ruin his hot air balloon effort and the amazing view before us. Not that it wasn't ruined because it certainly was. But telling him was just not the time and not the place.

"Is it— is it because I left?" he whispered.

Crack. There goes my heart.

"If it is, Tori, know that every single day and even up to this day I regret every single bit of that day," he said in a rush.

Shaking my head instantly, I grabbed his hands.

"Look at me."

But he didn't. Instead his gaze shifted to his hands which I was clutching with mine.

"Please, Alec. Look at me," I pleaded.

This time he did. He slowly looked at me. And believe me when I say that it could have been the most heart breaking look he has ever given me. He just had this look filled with some much confusion as if he was left in the dark mixed with regret as if he was telling himself he should have never let himself be lead into the dark.

"I want to. I really do. But I can't not like this. Not when there's so much hidden," I explained.

"Then stop hiding them. Tori, I love-"

I cut him off by pressing my face against his chest then pulling him to an embrace. His body was still under my touch. The only move was doing was the rise and fall of his chest as breathed.

"Just give me time. Believe me, Alec, I do want something to happen between us. But when something does happen, I want it to be fair. I want to be completely honest with you. But right now I'm just not ready."

At first it was nothing then I realized that he had nodded his head. Then slowly, I felt his arms encircling my waist and pulling me closer to him.