I know you want me(H2OVanoss)

Part 16 - I'm sorry

Evening. So this next part had to happen and we all know it. If you want you can play the song that I listened while writing this. You don't have to of course :). Oh yeah and thanks for the votes and for you guys, really! It's pushing me write more. Enjoy ^.^
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(Vanoss POV)
I tried to jerk off in front of the porn, but I couldn't. It was turning me on, yes, but not in the same way. Something was missing and my mind ran to one and only. I let small growl of frustration let my mouth and I furiously threw my notebook off the bed. I got a message from Jason.

J: Listen. I now, you're playing with Jonathan. I know it, I can see it. I didn't tell him a damn thing about it, don't worry. Even though he still thinks you're just acting like his best friend. But I know you. I know your tricks and flirting ways. I just want to give you advise. Don't hold him away from me, don't hold him for yourself. I know you well, Evan. He's just a toy for you, you will be annoyed by him. Like Amanda, like my sister, like every other women or men you met or dated. I'm not telling you this for my own sake, it's for him. Because you're gonna break his heart sooner or later, we both know it. Open your eyes.

I blinked a few times to consumed that much words.

He's right. I would never be able to love him back, even if I wanted to. I'm who I'm, and I was supposed to get them together, not us together.

I heard a knocking on the door. I slowly walked to the kitchen and peeked through the window. My heart skipped a beat.

What is he doing here? Why is he here?

"Evan, open the door. I know you're there."

I can't. You don't deserve me.

I was stepping right in front of that door and tried not even breath.

"I need to talk with you, please."

I slowly put my hands and forehead on the door, and I felt tears on my face to my own surprise.

"Evan..."

His voice made my heart bleed. I wanted to open the door so badly. He sounded so sad, so broken. I wanted to hug him, I wanted to say that everything is ok, that I'm here and nothing is gonna hurt him.

"Open the fucking door! I can hear you! You're standing there. Open it, you motherfucker!" He started to slam on my door and I didn't move a bit. I knew he was crying.

"Be a man, Evan. Open that door, please. I just want to talk. I need to tell you something really important and I need my best friend now more the ever."

I slowly shook my head and didn't try stop the tears.

"I love you," he whispered and my heart started to melt.

You can't love me, Jonathan. You can't. I'm really not for you. You're too innocent for life with me. You deserve better, trust me. I'm so sorry I played with your emotions so much. I didn't want that.

"Every fucking minute I spent with you was the best in my life. I'm sorry I didn't release sooner. I've never felt love in my entire life and you showed it to me. You guided me. Don't push me away, Evan."

I was already sobbing. I tried to be so quiet even though he knew I was there.

"I know I can't be like your other lovers, I know I'm inexperienced and only bother in your life, but at least give me a chance. Give us a chance."

I slowly stepped away from the door and wiped my tears.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Jonathan.

I walked upstairs back to my room and slowly shut the door. I lay down on my bed and just cried.

I destroyed his life, I messed him up. He was so innocent and I was selfish. I dragged him into my world and this is what happens. He needs somebody with firm life, with visions about the future. I'm just a piece of shit. But at least now I'm doing the right choice. Now I'm leading him on the right way. Jonathan...

I somehow cried myself to sleep. That night was the worst. I was waking up and then couldn't sleep again. In the early morning, I grabbed my bag, booked fly ticket and went back to Canada.

I needed to clean my head, wanted to see my family again and mainly got away from Delirious.