Phan oneshot collection

Chestnut hair and deep brown eyes

Genre: fluff and a bit of angst (hardly any but just a bit sad really)

Word count: 2802

A boy is coming through the door. It looks like he is new. Well, he is compared to everyone else.

I stare at him from across the room. He has a suitcase and is pulling at the sleeves of his hoodie nervously.

Hello. My name is Phil and I am 19 years old. I live in a mental hospital. I have been here for 3 years today and I came here because of my friend, Dan. He's imaginary. Was imaginary. He was the best thing that ever happened to me.

See, before him I had no friends, no one would speak to me at all, just give me weird looks and call me names. It hurt me so much that I found Dan, lingering in the back of my mind, waiting to finally appear when I needed him most and be my friend, help me with everything I was going through. But somehow me imagining someone put me down as hallucinatory, crazy, a freak. I never used to mind being here, I had Dan back then, he looked out for me, helped me stay positive and happy. I wish he hadn't gone.

I don't really have friends here anymore... no one does. We just sit clumped together, muttering under our breaths or staring awkwardly. I don't think anyone wants to be here at all. I think they just want to be at home and happy, away from their problems which are shoved in front of them here on silver platters and left there for them to deal with, going through each overcooked chewy piece until they have managed to clump the indigestible food down. It makes me sick, the food here. It's disgusting and I understand why people hardly eat, it's definitely not nutritious and is often tasteless, just more to add to our emptiness inside.

I do wish Dan was still here, I am so very lonely without him. Like a child without its blankie. Oh how I want mine. I wish I hadn't chased Dan away, I wish he was still here and my friend, laughing with me, telling me jokes. I never cared that he was imaginary, for me he was as real as anyone else in the world. But as he wasn't to other people it meant I had a problem. I hate how only the staffs' opinions matter here, it just infuriates me how they can say one word to another member and they will be taken out the room. Just like that. When this happens whoever gets taken out gets put in their room, because apparently they over reacted or started to become 'dangerous' when really all they were was scared. Scared of being here, of being alone with themselves. So the best cure for that? Make them sit alone in a room and feel isolated from everyone who could make them feel better. Great logic right there. I got taken out once, when Dan had gone for the first time, and I just lay on my bed and sobbed for the rest of the day.

That session was in the afternoon so that day I didn't eat my dinner. It didn't make a difference at all. They shoved food through my door but I wouldn't eat it, it wouldn't of helped. I just wanted Dan back. He did come back after that, for a while. It was nice having him back. But then he started going away at certain points. I cried for an hour each time that happened. And when he left me entirely it only took me a minute before I realised he was never coming back. That's when I stopped talking to people.

He is lead away and I stare at the door before he comes back out. Everyone who lives here is outside together and he will be made to join us. I wonder if he will see me.

I half blame them for making him leave, putting me in an environment where he was literally all I had and then making everything tense up, get tighter and tighter before it snapped and left me gasping.

Before he left I said some things I really regret. If I hadn't of said them, he wouldn't of left. I hate myself everyday for them.

Do you know how it feels when the best friend of your life just disappears? Well it is like half of your gets ripped off you body. Me and Dan literally did everything together, he never left my side. We woke up together, we slept at the same time, we shared a room, ate together, walked together, laughed together, just literally everything, he was there. Our little room with like a miniature flat but with just a desk, bed and connected bathroom. Wherever I was in it he was there too. He never disappeared. Like if I was in the shower he would be sitting against the door outside of the bathroom and he would talk to me, making me laugh. We even sang little duets together. He had such a lovely voice, it always gave me goosebumps. What I would do to hear it again.