Phan oneshot collection

White

genre: sadness but ends happily (Phil's in a coma so not happy at all until like the end)

word length:1167

"Please wake up. Just please."

Dan was sat beside Phil's bed, clutching his hand enough to stop his blood flowing, leaving grooves in his skin where his sharp bitten nails had dug in. The pale white walls closed in on him. White was meant to symbolise purity, innocence. In a hospital that was bullshit. It meant passing on, freedom of the spirit. The walls weren't even a proper white, they were tinged grey from the sadness brought into each room, darkening the walls until one day they would be black, surrounding people in loss and despair.

"Just wake up."

Dan hadn't left this room for two weeks. He had been next to Phil's spindly body for 14 days now and he was going insane. The insanity brought on wasn't due to boredom. He may know there were 47 tiles on the ceiling and 30 ridges on the rusting radiator but his insanity was from a lack of Phil. The last thing Dan had ever heard from his mouth was a pain crippling scream. At night it replayed in Dan's head over and over, constantly behind every word he spoke, every thought he had, ever movement, every breath. It was tattooed in his eyes, the image of his best friend with his mouth open, eyes wide with glass flying around him. Everything went white after. White. He would never escape the ruthless colour. 

"Please, I need you."

Dan closed his eyes for a second. A millions thoughts flew through his head at once, images of Phil, noises, laughter, shouting. The never endless screaming. Every single second of that day was on a loop in Dan's mind. Over and over, minute after minute, like it would never stop. The final thoughts he had had before Phil became lost. Doctors had told him to not get his hopes up, that Phil might not ever wake up, but Dan just hadn't responded. He sat, staring at Phil, his beautiful best friend, never losing contact with him. He knew if he did, the numbness he felt was subdue his entire body, causing him to spiral off, stuck in a white nothingness, watching if as years go by, seeing the white fade to grey, and become the perishing black he was dreading. Mind you, the white wasn't much better.

"Come back to me."

If he ever let go of Phil, he would be transported back to when he told him. In the car. Telling Phil how he sort of liked him more than a friend, seeing his mouth hang open. Then feeling the impact and being forced to see his friends mouth stretch into an 'O' of terror. He would never be able to banish the look in Phil's eyes. All the innocence and love were sucked out of them in those few seconds, leaving only a cold emptiness behind. 

"Don't leave me."

Visions of Phil waking up were clouding his mind. He simply sat up, unhooked his supports and walked out the door. He never looked at Dan, almost seemed to walk through him. He was slipping away from Dan, and Dan felt paralysed to stop him. There was nothing he could do, and he was to blame for all of this. He dropped his head and looked back up.

"Please Phil... Just please." 

He was still lying there, chest rising and falling gently, showing the sign of his life, but he never stirred. He never moved properly. Every thought Dan possessed included Phil, and the one the occurred most commonly was Phil's eyes opening. His beautiful cerulean eyes snapping open and catching sight of Dan, waiting for him. Dan would wait forever just to see Phil's eyes again. It was the only thing keeping him hanging on. The thought of Phil's eyes staring back into his. 

But at the moment, all he could see was white, and he didn't want it to take Phil away. He wanted his blue, his pop of colour, not his loss.

"Wake up Phil, I need you."

He sat. He stared. What more could he do? The love of his life was lying in a fucking coma barely a metre away. And Dan needed him to wake up. Now. He was sliding away, but he needed to stay, wait for Phil to wake up. He didn't even care if Phil woke up and hated Dan. He just wanted him to be okay. But he might never be okay unless he just woke up!

"If you go, can I come with you?"

No. He mustn't think like that. Hours of his life were going past him, dragging on slowly and trailing him roughly along the ground, handcuffed to the slow moving pace. He wondered what Phil was thinking. He knew he would be thinking, but about what? Maybe he is thinking about his family, his friends, maybe even himself?  He could be trapped in another world, and no one could help him out. Maybe he was being tortured there. He could be somewhere perfect and never intending to come out, hoping everyone would move on without him, living a better life while he could there. Who knew. If he wanted Dan to move on well, that was tough shit. It wasn't going to happen. Ever.

"Do this for me. Please wake up." 

What If he didn't wake up? What if Phil stayed like this forever? Stuck in this state for the rest of his life. Or at least, the time left the doctors would give him. He didn't have long really, only another week or so as his condition was so critical. Then the plug would be pulled, and a funeral would have to be organised. But Dan wouldn't let that happen without a fight. He wasn't leaving him.

"Phil I know you can do it. Just please, wake up."

He could feel Phil drawing to the edge of the end. He wouldn't wake up. Dan stood up and perched carefully on the edge of Phil's bed. He stroke his cheek gently, combing through his matter hair with his fingers, dropping his fringe carefully towards one eye. He leaned down and kissed Phil's lips gently. He couldn't stay. He had to get out of this hospital, maybe even this life. He couldn't bare it without Phil. He just couldn't. Every last drop of colour had morphed into monochrome, like as soon as Phil's eyes shut, all the colour was locked away with them. If he stayed here, he would turn pale, blend in with the sickly white walls, only be a black outline against it. He smiled slightly, a tear dripping down his cheek. Maybe he would meet Phil when he left. He could become a part of the white.

He took his hand away from Phil's cheek, let go of his wrist and stepped silently backwards. 

"I love you Phil."

"I love you too." A quiet mumble came from the bed, and Phil's eyes snapped open.

There was no more white. His blue was back.