Notes // Mashton

Chapter Twenty

As we continued the kiss, we moved closer together and after a moment, our bodies were pressed together. The kiss wasn't soft, more rough and sloppy, but I didn't want it to change, I was fine the way it was, as long as it was with Ashton.

A moan crept up from the back of my throat as we moved, and many came from him in return. Soon, we had ran out of breath, and our lips broke apart. "That was..." 

"Missed." I finished his sentence. I had missed kissing him for so long, and it came at the perfect moment, when no one was around. We looked straight into each others eyes for a while, not an awkward silence luckily.

"Want to sleep together?" I suggested and he started to get a bit awkward.

"Oh not like that!" I continued, "just sleep together, in the most innocent form." I explained, and he nodded. I took the boy to my bedroom and changed. He was already in my bed when I came back from the bathroom. As I slid into the bed with him, he grabbed onto my waist and pulled me closer to him. 

The warmth of his body crept onto my skin as we cuddled, and it was much better than holding onto Becca. She was as skinny as a stick, and there wasn't anything to grab onto, it was like hugging a pole, but at least Ashton had something to hold. Not saying he was fat, but he wasn't three kilos.

"Night." I mumbled as I drifted into sleep. 

---

"Rise and shine idiots!" I was woken up by the familiar voice of Calum. As I opened my eyes, I remembered that there was more than two people in the room, that Ashton was right beside me. Oh shit.

"Oh, whoops didn't mean to disturb you two." He winked as he headed towards the door. Why did he seem so casual about this? I knew that Ashton had woken up too, as I could feel the movement from behind me.

*Ashton POV*

Shit. Shit. Shit. 

Why did Calum have to be so normal about this. I already told him to act surprised if he saw us together, and he was doing the exact opposite. Now Michael would find out that I told them about us. I shot the teenager a look that told him that he was doing it wrong, but he didn't seem to notice it, and just continued to back out to give us some space.

"It's not what it looks like!" Michael exclaimed, I knew his heartbeat was quickening and that he didn't want them to know about us. This was just great.

"Ye-uh Yeah." I tried to go along with it, and at that moment Calum knew what he had done wrong. About time.

"Uh, let's just pretend I didn't see anything." He exited the room, leaving us alone. I knew that Michael was going to question me, now I just needed to be a good actor. 

As he lifted the blanket off himself, he didn't speak as he grabbed black skinny jeans and a Sex Pistols shirt and slipped them onto his body. I couldn't help but stare at his incredible body, it was so fucking sexy.

Without saying anything afterwards, he exited the room, leaving me alone, confused. It couldn't of been that obvious was it? I mean, I think I was a decent actor, I could act out two words couldn't I? 

Dragging myself out of his bed, I realized I hadn't changed from last night and just sat on his bed for a while. I observed the room for a while, looking at his posters and the clothes he had scattered all over the floor, when I noticed something all too familiar.

A stack of sticky notes.

The pile of coloured small pieces of paper were on top of his closet, next to his deodorant and other items like that. As I stared at them, I knew exactly what they had been used for. It was him wasn't it.

It couldn't have been him could it? I thought about it for a while, and it all added up. How could a fan possibly find my diary anyway? Even if they did, they would read through it and everything in it would be all over the internet by now. But Michael wouldn't read my diary, he wouldn't do something like that. 

But why would he send me notes? Why would he tell me to stay away from Calum? It just didn't make sense to me, and I don't know if I wanted it to make sense either. But at the same time, it made all the sense in the world.

"Why?" I whispered, exactly like his first note he had sent me. I had the urge to write that on a note and stick it on his wall, but I decided against it. He would know I knew straight away, and it would've been better for me to confront him for making my mind go everywhere for a month.

This was a perfect time for an indirect tweet that made no sense half the time.

As I clicked on the Twitter icon, I ignored all the tweets on my feed and started to type immediately, not bothering to double check it and tapped 'tweet' as soon as I had finished. As soon as it had sent, my notifications blasted with retweets and favourites. The tweet read 'Just remember that we are all human, that we all have secrets. Don't assume you know someone inside and out ever'. I should've just tagged Michael in the tweet, it sounded pretty obvious to me that it was about him.

Shortly after, I headed to the kitchen to prepare myself food and then ignore everyone else before going back to my room. I grabbed the box of Cocoa Pops, poured the remainder of them into the bowl and put in some milk before leaving again.

**Warning, this part contains self harm. Please don't read this part if it's going to be triggering.**

I ate the cereal quickly, and after that I shoved two ear buds into my ears. My volume was on almost full, and I tried to wash away reality, but it stayed. Why did I ever do this? Why did I ever fall for Michael? Why did I ever join 5 Seconds of Summer? If I had never met him, this would have never happened.

These thoughts caused me to shiver, and before I knew it, I was reaching for the blade that I had successfully put behind my phone case. Tears dropped down my face, and I was now questioning my existence. "Why did this have to happen to me?" I cried as I pushed the wristbands down and pulled the blade across my wrist and the blood dripped onto the carpet.

-{ Secrets! :O Were you expecting that or-? }-