Notes // Mashton

Chapter Forty-Two

Forty-Two.

The following day, I didn't have to do anything with Cecelia, so I lay in my bedroom for the majority of the day. The playlists on my phone were all I could hear, the music was on the highest volume it could go, yet I still wanted it to be louder. A few times I could hear the loud grumbles from my stomach, which I chose to ignore.

I knew that I was going to have to eat someday, but I also knew that it was probably not going to be that day. Whenever I ate, the guilt came back, and I almost always ended up back hugging the toilet, throwing up every last bit of food, with tears streaming down my face. And one day someone was going to have to make me get help, and the last thing I wanted to do was talk to someone about throwing up.

The start of Somewhere in Neverland by All Time Low started playing, and as the words started I hummed quietly to it. It was one of my favourite songs, and I knew every single word of it. The song was on every playlist on my phone, and most of the time I skipped the other songs until it reached Somewhere in Neverland. I didn't really know why, the words must've spoken to me.

As I checked the time on my phone, it showed 14:27 which meant it was almost two-thirty. I wasn't surprised that it was already into the PM, I had been through a lot of songs on the playlist, it was almost back to the start again. After a few more songs had passed, I started to become extremely uncomfortable and decided that it was time to leave my bedroom and also get some fresh air from the lounge room, if that counted as fresh air.

After I had managed to get out of bed, I tossed a shirt on and walked out into the lounge room. Only Ashton and Luke were in there, Ashton was in the kitchen and Luke was watching the television. Without really thinking, I walked into the loungeroom and sat on one of the benches. Ashton was making what looked like pancakes that weren't cooked very well.

"Do you want one?" Ashton offered without even making eye contact with me.

"Sure." I replied without thinking about it. I regretted it afterwards, but still took the plate that Ashton passed to me. I squirted some maple syrup on the pancake, before taking it over to the couch. After I had ate the pancake, I placed it on the table for about thirty seconds before deciding that I needed another one.

"Can I have another one?" I asked Ashton.

"Sorry, none left." He replied, as he put the mixing bowl into the sink and started to wash it. He was looking adorable, and I wanted to kiss him, but of course I couldn't.

After a moment of raiding the cupboards for the first time in a while, I came across a packet of barbeque chips, which I grabbed immediately. Opening the packet, I started to pig out on the chips and make a mess everywhere while eating, It didn't take long until those were gone as well and I was still grumbling from hunger.

A few minutes had passed, and I had eaten a vegemite sandwich, half a packet of of Digestives, four Tim-Tams and was preparing myself a bowl of icecream. I felt as though I couldn't stop eating, even if I tried. Once I had made myself a massive bowl of chocolate icecream, I started to dig in.

"Michael?" Luke called from the lounge room.

"Yes?" I replied, wiping my mouth.

"Have you got enough food?" It was then I realised how much food I had consumed. Even though I had probably eaten a bit too much food, I was still hungry for more.

"Uhm yes." I finished the bowl of icecream, not bothering to wash it up and sat down on the couch. There was some sort of sport playing on the TV, that I didn't watch, and stared at Ashton instead. He was wearing a sweater, even though it was about thirty degrees outside, and didn't seem to look like he was warm, he kept holding onto the ends of his jumper.