Heaven

Healing

" You can drag me through hell,

If it meant I could hold your hand."

_______________________________

Im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry.

I often found myself thinking too much about the oddest things, things others wouldnt even give half a thought about. Things just felt different to me, everything felt numb at times, I felt numb from everything that happened around me. I always get attached to everyone, and no one gets attached to me so I always feel numb.

My life has always been boring, nothing extraordinary ever happened to me, or around me. I was a normal boring girl who lived in a quiet boring town. The only big thing that happened was the tragedy of the Fisher Family.

Other than that, there was nothing. We were dry out of hope and ambition, nobody had time to adventure, they were too busy living their plain old boring lives. Nobody wanted it to change, it was easier that way.

My life was simply a paradox. I was so many things but at the same time I wasnt.

It was like I was a ticking time bomb, I never knew what would happen and everyone was so obvious to the fact that I wanted to blow up but couldnt. I couldnt let people see me that way, I needed to keep my feelings at bay but it was hard. I am constantly torn between wanting to improve myself and wanting to destroy myself.

My mind was slowly destroying me, it kept me awake all night. To the point where I would crawl out of my bedroom window to the roof, where I would lie watching the 2am sky light up with stars. Its how I found myself tonight, wrapped up in my blanket and lying on my roof half past 2am.

"You're up late," A voice says from beneath me and I let out a small yelp and near the edge of the roof, I look down to see him standing there, a black hoodie shielding part of his face but I could still see the mess of his brown hair and soulless dark brown eyes.

I smile and watch him climb the water drain, "Or perhaps Im up early," I retort and I hear him cough out a laugh.

He lifts himself over the edge of the roof and rolls over on his back beside me, a small content smile on his face as he stared up at the sky, breathing deeply, "You're a smartass," He stated and glanced over at me with a small smirk.

I glare, "I am not!" I shout and he chuckled while shaking his head, keeping his eyes focused on the starlit sky above us.

We fell into a deep silence, his gaze remained on the sky and I could tell his thoughts were a whirlwind in is his head. Its been a week since that whole accident, after it happened Ben never showed up to school, proving that he was indeed injured badly.

Once he finally did come back he spoke to no one, and I know that was usual for him but I meant it went deeper. Whenever a teacher asked him a question he would answer but now he remained silent, or whenever he was in trouble or being yelled at he would shoot back a sarcastic reply, gaining himself a detention.

He was just quiet.

"My mom use to say everyone is a lost star, trying to light up the sky," He whispered deeply next to me, I look over at him to see he was still staring up at the sky.

His body was tense and he was clenching his jaw tightly, his fists were clenched by his sides and I chewed on my bottom lip, worrying about him.

I let out a shaky sigh, "My dad tells me that we look at the same stars, yet we see such different things," I say and I could feel his gaze on me.