Heaven

Bad

" He knew how to get past her walls, simple tricks to make her laugh. He did it all for her. "

My life was slowly crumbling down around me, my brothers have been acting weird, my parents are barely home now a days and my biological father was an evil German scientist.

And somehow I always found myself back to that one solution that could end this all. It wouldn't be m first time and my parents are never home. Or so I thought.

I took my pills and passed out, I don't know how long I was out before I felt a finger down my throat and someone patting my face. I ended up throwing up before the ambulance showed up before being rushed to the hospital.

That's how I found myself tied down to a hospital bed, not awake but aware of what was happening around me. My parents had left and Asher was checking up on another patient here and Silas went for a coffee.

It was just me, alone.

I don't do it for fun, I do it to escape. I need to escape my life before I completely go crazy, everything around me is crumbling and its hard to breathe. My father who I never knew was an evil German scientist and I have three siblings out in the world. I wasn't alone, but at the same time, I was.

I pop my eyes open and glance around the room, it was dark outside and the window to the hospital room was open, letting in a small breeze. I shiver and nearly jump in my bed when a nurse walked in, I sat there with a distraught expression.

"Whats wrong darling?" She asked softly and I break my gaze away from the wall and look over to her face, I chew on my bottom lip.

I pull the blanket closer to me, "I'm lost," I say, my voice just below a whisper.

She frowns down at me, her glasses perched on the bridge f her nose, "But my dear, we're at the hospital."

My gut twisted, "That's not what I meant," I whisper, my leg bouncing fast.

"I'm lost, in my head. I am so alone and I don't know where to go because everything I do is wrong. I just want to find my safe haven," I choked out, she brings her flashlight up to my eyes.

She checked my pulse, "And where is your safe haven?" She asked and I felt my lips tilt into a small smile.

"I don't know, I think I may have found it, but I don't want to jinx it," I whisper, feeing my eyes bob shut.

She turned off the lights and closed the door behind her, I sigh out and roll over in bed, making sure I didn't rip out my IV or the cords to the heart monitor.

I stare at my window and frown, it slid open and a body crawled in, I watch as he steps down quietly and closes the window behind him. He approaches my bed and grins, "And God said, let thy suffer," He says while shooting me a smirk.

I shot him a deadpanned expression and closed my eyes, he snorted and I peaked at him, "What?" I snapped at him.

But that only caused him to laugh harder, I glare at him, "Just you, its like you expected me to be soft around the subject that you tried to kill yourself, its alright, there's a lot of people who succeed and are deeply loved by many. I killed two people, and I'm standing right here." He says bluntly and I had to stop my jaw from dropping.

Only Ben could be so blunt about things, in a way it was actually refreshing. Not many people say what they think.

I roll my eyes t him and look down at my hands while remaining silent. He moves across the room and takes a seat in the lazy boy next to the hospital bed, he glances over at me and shot me a small grin, "You're not a bad person for the ways you tried to kill your sadness," He says and my eyes nearly popped out of my head, was this actually Benjamin Fisher?

Was he actually understanding with me? Could it be possible, that he actually does understand me and my thoughts and mad theories.

I shake my head and chew on my bottom lip, I stare down at my hands, "Its not like that, one minute I'm doing okay, and next I feel like the walls are closing in. I'm being caved in inside my own head, and my heart starts sounding like a thousand drums all t once, I needed to silence it. And I do, but I always find myself waking up in here," I say, feeling my eyes bob shut.

"Its okay to be lost in your head," He whispers before I pass out.

The thing is, I didn't quite pass out. I went into that little dream land where I'm somewhat aware of what is happening around me but its like I'm in a dream.

But it wasn't a dream for me, it was a land full of questions and self doubt, my mind was trying to slowly destroy me.

I don't dream anymore, not with the reality I have.

Its become impossible, my entire life was a disaster and it just continues to get worse and worse over such a short period of time that it actually scares me.

I don't know what's wrong with me, everyone leaves, everyone lies, everyone forgets me, replaces me, plays me, hurts me, they give up on me, am I that bad?

I always thought there was something wrong with me, why people always looked at me different or never really stayed in my life. My mother dipped and I was abandoned, I think that's the one thing that hurts me the most.

It was only when Ben was around that these emotions and unwanted feelings appeared after years of being buried. He most defiantly had an effect on my mind.

"I'm really high." I whisper and he started laughing loudly before quieting himself.

I look over and send him a lazy grin, "Like, I'm in the universe with aliens and they are real. And I think you may be one," I ramble and he sat there while trying to contain his laughter.

"Why are you laughing? You silly goose stop," I add on he he snorted before burying his face in his hands.

He shook his head and I lied there while staring at him, he was like a creature. He never belonged anywhere, he was a murderer. He was different and that's why most feared him.

In all honestly though, he was like a giant Golden Retriever.

I giggle and close my eyes, the grin still taking over my face. I peak an eye open to see he was lying back in the lazy boy, his eyes every so often glancing over at me, a small content smile on his face.

"Thank you," I whisper and his eyes popped open and he stared at me with confusion and curiosity.

He brought a hand through his hair and looked away, "For what?" He asked and I smiled at him.

It's like he didn't know he was actually a good person. He showed up to the hospital, after breaking in to see if I was alright. Those nights on my roof, he does little things that let me know he's checking up on me and it's nice.

It's nice to know that Benjamin Fisher may actually care.

I know I care for him, I wouldn't want to see anything bad happen to him, if I lost Ben if probably lose my head. He was like my partner against the world, he's helped me out of so many things,

I may come off as crazy but I do have good intentions, that's one thing I can honestly say. I'm not sure there's a mean bone in my body, I grew up around so many hateful people, and I knew I didn't want to live a life full of hatred. It would completely destroy me as a person.

"For showing up," I whispered and he looked at me, his eyes softening.

He shook his head while staring at me while mumbling something user his breath. I close my eyes and listen to the sound of him breathing and that's how I fell asleep.

Listening to the sound of him breathing his life. Him actually living.

I'm too high