Loren.

forty three.

Loren Cannel

Due to me not being a heavy sleeper. I felt Kaleb remove himself from our bed while he scratched his throat. I slowly open my eyes to see him making his way to our bathroom.

I was about to go back to sleep until I heard him murmur something. I decided to get up just to see what he was saying.

"It's been a minute, Lord. I apologize for not talkin' to you more but I'm goin' to start back," he let out a breath.

"Life's hard. I thought once I found that special girl and got my career goin', things would be better. I'm thankful for Loren and I love her with everything's in me but I can't talk to her because I feel like I'll drain her with my problems,"

"I really hate talkin' to anyone about the stuff that goes on in my life. I know they'll be like man get over your parents death, it's not like you knew them. Plus it's been over two decades,"

I slowly sat down against the closed bathroom door, listening to Kaleb. I wanted to knock on the door but I decided to give him some time.

"I can't just forget about someone like that. I know for a fact my dad wasn't a good person, but I felt like my mother was. I don't really have memories of her which sucks,"

"I always have to remind myself that if my parents were here, my life wouldn't be the same. I most likely wouldn't have married Loren or even have my first child by the love of my life. Thank you for bringin' her into my life. Thank you for the ups and downs we've been through. Thank you for letting her be able to carry our little girl, Dillan."

A small smile begin to appear on my face.

"In Jesus name I pray, Amen." Kaleb finished off his prayer right before opening the bathroom door.

I looked up at him while he looked down at me.

"I'm sorry." I spoke while he begin to sit down on the floor beside me.

"It's alright."

"I'm thankful for you too, Kaleb. You know I'm always here for you whenever you want to talk. You don't drain me with your problems. I tell you about mine. I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me about yours."

"When you grow up havin' to hold all of your emotions in, you feel like there isn't anyone out there willin' to hear what you're goin' through,"

"I couldn't ever cry because I was told that men wasn't suppose to cry. I never got a chance to show my true emotions because I always had to hide them. Just because of that, I turned into a replica of my no good father,"

"I hate how I killed two guys over some bull. I'm not a killer and I don't condone takin' someone's life for revenge, unless they did somethin' to my family,"

"It's just a lot swimmin' through my head, man." He pulled his legs up to his chest.

I finally saw that little Kaleb that grew up way too fast. The little Kaleb that didn't get to enjoy his childhood because he was too focused on his next meal or where he'll be laying his head.

I never wished not having parents on anyone, not even an enemy. That situation will take a toll on your for the rest of your life.

"Follow me." I carefully stood up and reached my hand out for his hand.

He looked up at me before taking it and standing up on his feet. I traveled to our balcony that was located in our room. I shivered at the coldness.

"Look up," I grabbed his face and forced him to look up. "You see that star? How often do you see that start?"

"Like every night."