Snowflakes Fall and So Did I

~CHAPTER 6~

By the time the first football game arrives, school had already been in session for a month. Surprisingly, not much had happened. I don't know what I was exactly expecting, but I thought more would happen with Jack, Mr. Black, and Miss Gothel. I also thought public school would be more lively. Then again, we've only been having classes for a month. People are probably still trying to fix their sleep schedule. 

However, this week, Homecoming Spirit Week, has been the most lively I have ever seen the school. And it's all because of the first game later on tonight. I don't really understand why football is such a big deal, nor do I have any interest in the sport, but I'm going--more like being forced to go--to the game later on tonight. I wanted to stay home, but Rapunzel and Anna had begged me countless times all this week.

I managed to resist their puppy eyes and told them no over and over again, something I should have done to prevent the horrid accident years ago, and I was doing really well on my word too until Anna finally got to me. And it wasn't her pleading eyes that made me give in.

It was her hurtful words.

"I don't even know why I bothered," she had whispered to Rapunzel as I had walked to my room yesterday after coming home from school. "She's never going to change."

I know she didn't want me to hear because her voice was a soft, also inaudible whisper, but because I'm so good at staying quiet and listening to everything going on around me, I heard her loud and clear. Her voice dripped with sadness, and it caused my heart to ache with guilt. When we first moved in, I had told myself that moving here wouldn't be as bad as I thought it would. I had told myself that it's probably not too late to fix what I've broken, and here I am doing not doing anything about it. It's as Anna said...I'm not changing.

And I really, really want to, but I know it's not going to be easy. It's going to be hard, stressful, and definitely scary. I don't know if I'll ever be the girl I once was. I've hidden myself away inside a sad, reserved persona that I've come to believe is the actual me. But is it really? I sometimes think it is because I've only ever been "extroverted" with my sister and cousin. Before everything changed, whenever I wasn't with the two of them or if the three of us were on playdates with other business kids, I was always introverted. I was just never that way around my sister or cousin because I was comfortable with them and only them. Plus, those business kids were total brats.

The difference between my introvertedness then and now is that, back then, I never felt lonely or sad or...depressed. I took time to myself whenever I wanted to, but I never felt any negativity. Now, all I ever feel is lonely and sad and depressed. I forced myself to stay away even when I wanted to be around my favorite people because at 12 years old I thought I was a danger.

I know now that I was being ridiculous, but the damage had already been done. I didn't think there would be any way to fix it, I still don't, but now...now that Anna and I are in a new environment I have more hope than I did before.

So when she said those words, it made me realize that my chance to fix everything, or at least try to, is now.

I thought about it long and hard for the remainder of the day, and this morning I told them that I had changed my mind. Which resulted in her squealing and giving me a big, tight hug. It took me by surprise so badly that I didn't react fast enough to hug her back, but she didn't seem to mind. Honestly, I don't think she noticed. I don't think she even noticed that she hugged me too.

As of right now, I'm going through my closet, trying to figure out a good outfit to wear. What does one even wear to a football game? Should I just stay in the outfit that I'm in, which expresses our school colors? I'm already in jeans, and I can bring a light jacket in case the night gets cold. This would be the safest way to go. If I were to dress up I might get weird looks. Besides, I did enough dressing up this week.