Snowflakes Fall and So Did I

~CHAPTER 55~

~Astrid~

God damn, I don't understand how anyone can live in mansions. These houses are so freaking huge. Five people don't need a trillion rooms. I guess for parties like this one, drunk guests can stay the night, but I'm pretty sure most of the people downstairs are going home tonight. It's Christmas Eve and I doubt they, or Rapunzel's family, want to deal with each other tomorrow. I know I wouldn't.

"Astrid, I don't think we're allowed to be upstairs," Hiccup says, nervously. I knew his nervousness had more to do with the fact that I'm holding his hand and rushing us to somewhere private than rather us breaking some house rules.

"Hiccup, you tamed a wild wolf," I reminded him, "Don't tell me you're afraid to go somewhere we're not allowed to be."

"I'm not scared," he defends, "I'm just trying to be respectful towards the owners of the house."

"The quicker we get this over with, the quicker we'll be back with everyone else," I state, smartly. "Besides, I doubt Rapunzel's parents will even know we're up here. They're too busy hosting the party. Our friends wouldn't snitch either. We'll be fine."

He said nothing more as we finished our journey up the long ass stairs. I chose the first room I saw, thanking all the gods that it was unlocked, and rushed us inside. I flipped on the lights and locked the door behind me. Hiccup stood by the bed, watching me, his face flushed and nervous.

"Astrid–"

"Wait," I interrupt, holding my hand up to stop him. "Let me go first. I..." I'm afraid. I don't ever like to admit, even to myself, when I'm afraid of something. But right now, I know the best outcome is one where I'm completely honest with him...and myself.

Like a switch, it's me who's suddenly nervous now. I noted the bed, the locked door behind me, Hiccup's disheveled appearance, his blushing face, and the way my heart is racing right now.

I could push him on the bed right now. I could crawl on top of him and straddle his waist. I could kiss him. It would be so easy, and no one would know. No one would interrupt us. I could do what I've been wanting to do for a while. That would be all the confession Hiccup would need. Actions speak louder than words. Words are so hard. Why talk when I can–

"Astrid," Hiccup interrupts, snapping me back in place.

And just like that, my words are coming out in a frantic rush. "Let me go first because I'm afraid," I look away, embarrassed. "I don't usually admit when I'm afraid of anything, but I'm...I'm going to be really vulnerable and honest with you, Hiccup. I'm afraid of love. I'm terrified of it. I've heard what heartbreak has done to my aunt when she lost her first husband on their wedding day. I've felt it when I lost my parents and uncle to death and Heather when she ditched me. It's the worst feeling in the world to lose someone you love. I tried so hard not to make any more connections but then Merida came along and so did everyone else. It was hard keeping them at arm's length. And then I thought, well as long as I don't fall in love romantically, maybe I'll be okay. Even though platonic love is just as strong and important.

And it was so easy not to fall in love because no boy I've ever come across caught my interest. Until you did. But it wasn't love at first sight; more like...curiosity. But even that took me by surprise because I was never curious or intrigued by any boy ever. And it was so obvious you were attracted to me, just like every other boy, so that never came as a surprise to me, but what did was the way you interacted with me. You were shy, but respectful. Kind. You would defend me when Jack or Flynn would tease me. A knight in shining armor I never needed but was nice to still have. You didn't treat me like all the other boys did. Like your cousin Snotlout. You respected me and I...I've always secretly admired you for that.