Indifferent (HS)

22. Trust Me

CHAPTER 22:

SKYLAR'S POV

Harry yawned and his eyes twinkled as they watered as it was approaching 2 in the morning. Whatever the doctors gave me, I was wide awake and I knew this would suck because I have to stay awake all day and help set up for the party. As for Harry he was losing energy quickly, but I knew he was trying to stay awake for me.

"Harry go to bed you won't hurt my feelings" I spoke softly watching his eyelids grow heavier, but he forced them wide open.

"No I want to keep talking to you and I have to make sure you don't fall asleep" He was so stubborn, but I didn't mind. Late night conversations were something so virtually real. I knew what was happening and everything, but it didn't seem real. The whole Earth just grows quiet when it's dark. Everyone's going to bed to rest up for the next day. The streets are desolate and only lit from a couple street lamps here and there. It was so polar from the busy daytime, where everyone is rushing to and from work or school, but in this case trying to get last minute Christmas presents. Inside this small little hospital was a dim lamp, small bed, computer monitor, and tv on the wall. Nighttime was where anyone could say what they were truly feeling, I felt, because at night our brains are delusional and forgetful. During the day, things are professional and structured. 

"Okay what else do you want to know about me?" Harry and I had been talking for however many hours now, mostly about silly things like our favorite episodes of certain shows and our favorite actors. He asked me things I never really took time to identify with like what I wanted to be when I grew up or what my dream job was. Adulthood hit me so early I didn't give myself time to analyze my desires of life. Obviously I had some idea of what was realistic, but it was nothing compared to when I was a child and I didn't think anything could ever go wrong. 

"You never talk about your family" He was tiptoeing on his words knowing I haven't ever mentioned anyone I was related to. No one had ever really cared to ask. I had a couple friends when I started living in London that were curious, but I always made stuff up. I felt like if I said it out loud, then I would have to accept what happened and how could I? I don't even know what happened I just know I was abandoned. I could feel tension radiating off of Harry and I was silent  for a while, not looking directly at him. I wanted to be honest and open with him, because he was becoming someone so important to me, but I was terrified. The only alive person that knows what happened is my dad and I don't even know if he was alive anymore. My lungs felt like they were filling up with water and I couldn't breath. It was weighing on me so heavily, because I still had so many questions and so many emotions. I didn't want to think of my family because it made me so angry. I could punch a hundred holes in the wall and it wouldn't make me any less angry. I was also fearful. If someone like my dad who loved me so much for 11 years could just disappear, what's to stop Harry from doing the same. 

I feared Harry could hear how insanely fast my heart was beating. I wanted to run away, but I couldn't go anywhere. I was stuck and paralyzed. Sweat started forming on my forehead and I was mentally falling into a black hole. 

"I-I can't" I stuttered feeling my lips vibrate. I was so overwhelmed my ears started ringing and my throat was closing. I can't remember the last time I cried by myself or in front of someone, but without warning tears started falling from my eyes landing on the pillowcase. Harry trapped me with his hands and I pulled away rushing out of the bed. The floor was cold and sticky under my bare feet. I pulled my hair out of my face forcing it in a ponytail so I didn't feel as claustrophobic. 

My lungs expanded and retracted too quickly to keep up with, I couldn't suppress my feelings anymore and they broke through every wall I had built. My hands covered my face as warm tears soaked my cheeks. I felt Harry embrace me from behind.