Indifferent (HS)

30. New York

CHAPTER 30:

Six days had passed since Christmas and nothing had changed between Harry and I. The only time we spoke was to ask if the other way hungry, then one of us cooked or picked up food. Usually Harry would eat in the living room if I was in the kitchen, or he would eat in the kitchen if I was in the living room. I was starting to get immensely uncomfortable and suspicious, could this whole silent treatment gig still be from the fight? I mean it's almost been a week since we have legitimately made eye contact and had a conversation.

Day one was after Christmas, and since that was a good day, I assumed we would work it out. I was proven wrong when I woke up, and he was gone the whole day. When he got home around 9, I asked him where he had been and all he answered with was, 'Don't worry about it'. Frustrated, I decided to go for a run even though it was below freezing and dark outside. When I got home an hour later, Harry was on the couch asking me where I went. I just responded with the same careless, unenthusiastic 'Don't worry about it'. I wanted to have hope we would work it out the next day, but I was honestly indifferent at this point. If Harry wanted to be with me he would make an effort to work it out, rather than just ignore me.

Day two I got up early, cooked breakfast, then met Eleanor to go hang out in the city. We spent the whole day shopping, eating, visiting all the famous landmarks. It was a great day to escape Harry except for the part where we were followed by paparazzi the majority of the time. I was glad I had makeup on, yet I'm sure they managed to get a few unattractive ones of me caught off guard. She gave me good advice with Harry to shower him in affection, because he is one of those people that will constantly pull back until someone forces them to engage in a conversation. I wasn't in the mood to do that, however. I cared about Harry, but I felt stupid and out of place to try and keep pretending I'm madly in love with him, when he is mad at me. It's awkward and out of place. 

Day three was the worst because he took down all the Christmas decorations. I got home from working out at the gym and said how depressing the place looked now and all I got was, 'Well Christmas is over'. I'll be honest, that triggered me and I was so close to throwing another fit until I realized it wouldn't make a difference. I was exhausted of worrying what Harry was thinking and I was beginning to think that I should pack my things and move out. But where would I go? I needed the holidays to be over so I could start classes at the university, so I could start training at my job, so I could get paid and find an apartment. And even then, I still have to pay off my credit card. Now wouldn't be the time to move out. 

Day four I accused Harry of cheating on me. It wasn't the best alternative to fixing our issues, but I had such a weird gut feeling. How could he go from being all over me all the time to just fighting with me over one thing and not speaking to me for days. The sad thing was is that Harry just laughed. He didn't say how much he cared about me and wanted me in his life, like I wanted him to. I needed him to say I was the only girl he wanted. Instead, he found it funny that's where my mind ran. He didn't deny it, which made it worse. He didn't defend himself or call me crazy. He just had this permanent douche bag expression on his face. It was the worst, most puzzling feeling. I spent the rest of the day crying in my room watching sad movies, hoping he would hear me and feel bad for me. But he never came to check up on me. 

Day five I told him to just break up with me and get it over with. I packed a suitcase, because I couldn't stay at the same house as him. 

I walked downstairs with a few necessities packed in my suitcase to head over to Eleanor's. She was the only friend I had, but she understood and she offered me to get out of the house. It would only be for one night, since she and Louis had New Year's Eve plans, but it was better than crying in my room. My face and eyes were permanently red and puffy from crying yesterday, and I hoped it would make Harry feel bad but I don't think it phased him.