Indifferent (HS)

23. Who Should I Pretend to Be?

CHAPTER 23:

It was around 11 when Harry and I left the hospital to head home and start getting ready for the party. I was now incredibly exhausted and I wanted to sleep but I wouldn't be able to until tonight. Harry was better off than I was. My head was starting to ache from the pain of the cut and stitches. Thankfully I could move my hair in front of the cut to hide it for tomorrow night. A bubble of uneasiness sat in my stomach thinking of the party. Hopefully it's more of a get together than a party.

The elephant in the room, or car if we're being specific, was last night and everything I had shared with Harry. I had warmed up to the idea of being physically naked in front of him yesterday, but never planned on being completely and utterly vulnerable so soon. My mind was distant and playing different scenes of how things wouldn't work out between us. Just because the band was over doesn't mean Harry wouldn't become a solo artist and still have to go on tour. And what about his publicity? Where do I fall? Everyone puts celebrity couples into categories and best case scenario is 'Harry Styles dating some random girl', worst case could be anything from being after his money, which I'm not, to trying to become famous, which isn't the case either but the real story isn't believable anyway.

I didn't feel comfortable with these thoughts so I sat there not sad or happy, just stuck. I tried making myself excited about the fact that at least I have a gorgeous dress to wear tomorrow night, however I didn't have the lifestyle to match. If we forget the fact I live with Harry, I'm just a woman with no job, identity thief, loner, and someone with a hell of a lot of baggage. I'm no one special, but I need to pull off the part of Harry Styles' girlfriend. I have to be established, confident, driven, and worthy.

"I know you're tired but you can sleep tonight" Harry spoke full of optimism as his hand squeezed my inner thigh. Normally I'd feel a rush of adrenaline and butterflies, but I felt I was the opposite of everything he deserved and I didn't know what to do. I faked a smile, knowing he was watching, but no words came out of my mouth and I didn't take my eyes off the trees that we drove past.

I almost felt angry at Harry and jealous that he was so perfect and I wasn't. How could I ever measure up? Quickly after that thought crossed my mind, I scolded myself because I was so wrong. He was the reason I escaped something horrible and I had no right to be mad at the fact he was a good person. I rolled my eyes at my own annoying self and this frustrating argument inside my head.

Arriving back to the house, about five cars surrounded the place. People were walking back and forth carrying furniture and decorations. So this is a party party. Standing in the driveway, a blonde woman was dressed in a black suit holding a clipboard and pointing in different directions.

"Right I forgot this was happening today" Harry sighed with a slight tone of annoyance. We both stepped out of the car, closing the doors behind us.

"Where have you been? I got here at 8 am ready to start and I had to break in practically though it wasn't hard considering the front door was unlocked!" Her voice chirped like an annoying bird waking the neighborhood up, I quickly disliked her.

"Sorry we were at the hospital" He spoke quietly as if he was trying as little as possible not to draw attention to that. Her dark eyes landed on me, glaring with confusion. She appeared older maybe early 40's. Red lipstick harshly contrasted with her pale skin and light hair. Her suit seemed to tight around her waist and hips, maybe causing her to be so uptight.

"What the hell were doing there?" She continued bitching and Harry rubbed his temples trying to adjust to her demands. I looked down at my feet hoping that would make me invisible. I was still trying to figure out who this woman was.

"It's nothing" He tensely stated mixed with impatience and a rush to move on with the conversation. I felt cast away and that Harry was embarrassed of me. Did anyone outside of the band know we were together? I mean the paparazzi probably has captured several images of us together, but did anyone actually have confirmation or knowledge of who I was? She seemed to get the hint he didn't want to address me so she continued with whatever plans she has for the day.