Chapter 21

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Jason's P.O.V.
I practically cried myself to sleep. I haven't been like this is years. I knew I hurt her. Why didn't Brandon stop me? Why didn't I know better? Will we ever be the same?
The questions haunt me. I wake up to a knock at the door. I open it. Jeff stands with a tray of food. He walks in and sets it down on the bedside table.
"I wanna eat in my office." I tell him. He picks the tray up and carries it off. I slip into sweats and a white T-shirt. I brush my teeth and head to my office.
My food sits at my desk. I close my door. I decided to clean up my office. I had no intention of eating I wasn't in the mood. I nearly stack all my sketch books in a pile. I tape the picture of Sarah against the side of my computer tower. All my sketches go in my filing cabinet.
I finish and figured I needed to eat. I eat the cold eggs and pancakes. My thoughts drifted to Sarah. 'Your a monster but I can't help but love you repeats in my head. I realize I have a big headache from my hangover. I find some Advil in my desk drawer. I down two with orange juice.
There's a knock at my door. Should I ignore whoever it is or let them enter. I don't want to hear crap from Jeff. I have no clue what to say to Sarah. They knock again.
"Come in." My voice raspy from all the crying. In enters Sarah. She's a mess but a beautiful one. Her hair tangled, eyes puffy,and my clothes. My tears start to water.
"Can we talk?" She says quietly. I nod to the chair in front of my desk. She sits down.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know I was still like this. I never wanted to hurt you. I should have never come. This isn't the person you were supposed to see. Ever." I say. Tears rush down my face. Her wrist lightly black and blue. This makes more tears fall.
"This showed me the real you. The man that's inside you. I know who you are now." She say with a shaky voice.
"Are we over?" I say. I don't want to be. I know I fucked up. But I know I can't do better.
"I don't know. I still love you and I can't change that. Removing you would tear me apart. I had so many nightmares without you by my side. Your make me feel safe. Maybe not last night but without you I'm scared. I don't know what to do." She cries out.
"Baby I'm so sorry I'll explain everything if you want me too." I tell her.
"Please. I need answers." She say.
"When Victoria and I were going out I thought she was the love of my life it too me a long time to believe she wasn't. When I found out about her cheating. I turned to drinking. I drank anything I could get my hands on. To get revenge on her I would sleep with any girl that gave me a flirtatious look. I was typically drunk when that happened. Last night was the most I've drank in a long time and the most consumed in a short time. So everything clicked and turned into my monster. After reality of what I did to you hurt me. I will never do it to you again. I promise. You mean everything to me." I say. Tears slowly trail down both our cheeks.
"Why were you drinking?" She asks.
"It was over Victoria. I hate to see the way she makes you feel. So I guess my body thought drinking was the solution but really is was only a trigger to the monster that lies within. I'm so sorry babe." I say.
"I know you are. Thank you for the truth." She says.
"I would never lie to you. If you wanna break that's okay but I still love you. Last night was not the same me. I don't want to lose you." I say.
"I wanna think about it for a little bit." She says.
"Okay take all the time you need." I say. She gets up and leaves.

Sarah's P.O.V.
I find the strawberry hill and sneak into my room. I run a warm bath. I sit in the water sipping the sweet wine. I only drink a little enough to give me a warmth but no buzz.
I process Jason's words. I can't live without him. Last night I have three dreams all to which I woke up without him to sooth me back to sleep. He hurt me yes but he cares for me. I don't know what to say. I wanna stay with him. He told me the truth and wasn't afraid to tell it.
Tears rush down my face. I just gave this man half of my virginity and I've told him I love him. I can't live without him. But it's wrong to be with him because he hurt me.
But it feels so right to be with him. Without him is hell. I make my final decision. I get out of the thumb dry off and find new clothes. I find some boxer underwear, basketball shorts, and a sweatshirt. I work with what I find.
I walk out of the bedroom. I return the strawberry hill. But doesn't turn out how I want.
"Not a smart choice after last night." Jeff says.
"I only took four sips. I swear." I say.
"It's okay I won't say a thing." He says. This man has a heart of gold. He's older and wiser than I would ever be.
"So have you decided?" He asks.
"I think so." I say.
"Well what ever it is I'm sure it's good." He says. He walks off into another room.
I take many deep breaths on my way to his office. I don't know why I'm so nervous. I get to the door knocking twice. I open the door slowly.

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